Shadow Lines
by Evablue
Summary: Jay stumbles across Emma's dangerous secret and uses it to achieve his own goals. But neither could have seen the consequences. Ellie, Sean, Alex, Emma, and Jay centric...
1. Chapter One: Out of the Closet

_Note: In my old high school we had an actual phone booth... Only it had walls that you couldn't see through. I'm saying they DO at Degrassi, too._

_Thanks: Sammy, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For reading the first version and then sticking with me as I completely rewrote the stupid thing. Thank you for reading version 2 of chapter one, even in the midst of everything else you were dealing with. You're the best beta a fan fiction writer could ask for, truly. Thank you more than I can say. You made this story ten times better and gave me the confidence to actually go through with writing it. Words cannot express my gratitude for not just your beta'ing skills, but your friendship (which I truly treasure). Keep rocking the late night hours and I'll keep catching you in the AM. _

_Also, thanks to Miss Hash and Miss Jamie for giving this chapter a read and letting me know they liked it. I really appreciated you guys giving me words of encouragement. Also, thanks Jerm for picking up on the gritty details I missed and making it all the more better! ::hugs and gropes:: And more thank yous to Lauren for going through it in a final sweep and picking up on anything that was missed. Also, for crowning the triangle Emjan and fueling my new obsessive fascination with all things EmJay. ::muah:: _

_    They'll never see   
I'll never be   
I'd struggle on and on to feed this hunger   
Burning deep inside of me_

_Lies, Evanescence   
_

_Stupid posers._

If there was one thing Jay Hobart knew about the school he went to it was that it was filled with the brain dead and the completely useless. Jay wasn't stupid enough to count himself out of that group but it didn't mean he had to like being a part of them.

Jay took a bite of his P&B sandwich, not caring that the bread was stale. The bread was always stale. _Big whoopity doo da_, Jay thought. It was food; Jay didn't discriminate.

Every Tuesday and Friday Jay found himself hunched inside the small black incubator they called a phone booth. The walls of the phone booth had gum stuck to them, the colors varying and making their own sort of wallpaper. It smelled like the inside of a shoe. A five year old shoe, he decided as he gagged slightly while taking a bite of his sandwich. But he made no move to go back into the lunchroom. If it was between a scrunched up phone booth that smelled like the boys' locker room on the hottest day of the year or the crowded lunchroom, it was the smelly phone booth hands down.

_Every frickin' Tuesday and Friday, Jay thought with distain._ There were the two days where Jay had lucked out and had none of his crew, even those that he thought were on the lower scale of loserdom, scheduled at the same time. No, he had to go and take art class. What type of freak takes art class? But he needed an arts credit and art class filled it. Too bad the only people who had that lunch of Tuesdays and Fridays were those that had some type of class that was in the arts. Like a music class or, God help him, a drama class. That was just great. All the big, dorky losers could hang out together at lunch and torture him with their lameness.

Last year it would have been no big deal, seeing as how he probably would have cut before lunch on most days anyway. But this year brought bigger and more annoying things, including a warning of expulsion from Raditch if he didn't show more regularly.

Jay would normally shrug it off if it was detention or even suspension but, despite what he tried to show, Jay wanted to graduate. That was the only way he would get the hell out of the shitbox he called a town. He couldn't do that without some education.

He figured he could eat in his car, but that wouldn't end so well. Mostly, if he got his ass in his car he probably wasn't coming out of it unless he was stepping out onto non-school property. If he sat down in his car before the end of the day, ditching school was sure to follow. It was too much second nature. Like he really cared. But Raditch did and Jay wanted out of Hellsville.

So, there he was, like clockwork every Tuesday and Friday, huddled at the bottom of the booth with his paperbag lunch and antisocial attitude. He went unnoticed and, he was beginning to realize, completely unseen.

He learned things that way, surprising thing.

As regular as his Tuesday and Friday phone booth lunches were was the girl who would dart into the bathroom fifteen minutes to the end of lunch. Or something like that. It's not like he had counted or anything, he had just started to notice things.

Not that he cared. He'd just had nothing to do for far too long on his Tuesday and Friday lunches.

Jay started as he heard a whistle coming from far down the corridor, around the corner. Poking his head out he listened more closely and realized as he quickly scrambled off the floor that it was Raditch.

_Shit,_ he cursed to himself. It didn't matter that he was doing nothing wrong. If Mr. Raditch found him there he'd find a reason to drag him to his office for a lecture.

Jay looked around the hallway, a small wave of panic washing over him as he saw the closed and likely locked classroom doors. As the whistling drew closer his eyes stopped on the one open door. Not bothering to look at the front or the lettering on the window of the door he quickly flew into the room.

The whistling shifted the way it sounded, indicating Raditch had turned to corner and was quickly moving in Jay's direction.

Thinking lightning fast Jay yanked the closest door open and scrambled in. He closed the door as quietly as he could and breathed a sigh. Was he going to extremes to avoid a lecture? Probably. But Jay wasn't sure if he had to sit through one today he'd be able to keep his lunch down.

The closet smelled rusty, like the inside of his four year old sneakers that were caked with dirt in the outside. It was dark with only a small amount of light leaking out from the bottom. Jay was tempted to turn on the overhead light bulb but then figured he shouldn't risk it.

Jay breathed a sigh as the whistling faded off into the distance. Just as he was going to open the closest door and head back out he heard the clinking of heels. Footsteps traveled into the room outside of the closet and he heard the room door shut.

There were more sounds of heels on floor and then the swiveling of a chair against the ground as it moved. He heard papers being shuffled and the sound of the coffee pot being turned on. Finally, the room stilled some.

Where exactly had he ducked into? Jay inwardly yelled at himself for his stupidity. It wouldn't have killed him to read the writing on the door.

"Thank you for joining me today," a soft voice said, laced with empathy. "This must be very hard for you. I want you to know everything we say here is between you and me. Nothing will leave these four walls."

_What the..._ Then it hit him. Hard_. Ms. Frickin Sauve. I'm in Queen Shrink's office._

If Jay had to listen to more of her psychobabble, love-the-world crap he was going to lose his lunch. Despite the lengths he had gone to in order to keep it in his stomach.

"I want you to feel comfortable to share anything you need to share. Anything at all. This is a safe place."

He heard more shuffling and then another female voice. "I don't have anything to share."

Jay smirked at the hint of revolt in the voice. It seemed the girl, whoever she was, didn't want anything to do with Ms. Sauve's psychobabble either.

"I know you feel that way," Ms. Sauve said in that soothing voice she had. "But there has been some concern expressed for you."

"By who?" the girl asked, her voice betraying how her mind had scattered in a thousand accusatory directions.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. It is confidential."

"Confidential." The girl laughed. "Right. What exactly did this _person_ say?"

The girl was testy. He couldn't blame her. If someone were mouthing off to Miss Guidance herself about him he'd be pissed, too.

There was a pause and then the wrinkling of a wrapper. "I see you forgot your lunch. Would you like half of my sandwich?" Ms. Sauve asked, but for some reason it didn't seem too innocent.

Jay wasn't sure, but he could almost hear the sound of fingers tapping impatiently on the side of a chair. "No, thank you."

There was another long pause. "How often do you eat lunch?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" the girl asked, a testy tone and a lack of patience leaking into her voice. Paranoia had disappeared to be replaced fully by annoyance.

The long pauses were starting to drive him insane. He wanted to bust out of the closest and tell Ms. Sauve to just play it straight so they all could just move the hell on with the rest of their lives.

He heard the sound of pages turning and figured Ms. Sauve had whipped out so type of medical file. "You're medical papers filed early last year with the school say you weighed 125 pounds." There was another damn pause. "How much do you weigh now?"

There wasn't acid in Ms. Sauve's tone, only warmth and kindness. Still, if it had been Jay she was talking to, it would have pissed him off. Who did she think she was, trying to buddy up like that to someone she barely knew?

"I don't have to answer any of this," the girl said, a bite in her voice. Apparently, the girl thought the same thing Jay did.

"No, you don't," Ms. Sauve agreed in the same calm and soothing voice. "But I want you to know I'm here for you. I want to help you."

"I don't need help," the girl said, a slight bit of desperation edging in.

For some reason, Jay wanted to tell Ms. Sauve to back the hell off. Didn't she see she wasn't helping? The girl didn't need to be badgered and it was bothering him that she was there, helpless and at Ms. Sauve's mercy. It made him feel like a pansy. But he figured they both had something in common, whether she knew it or not.

_We're both undeniably fucked up,_ Jay thought in realization

"Anorexia. Bulimia. Eating disorders as a whole are very complicated illnesses to treat. But with counseling and support, it is possible to gain control again," Ms. Sauve continued.

There was another pause, grating on his nerves. With each pause he felt he was growing attached to this unknown, unnamed individual and it was driving him insane.

He didn't know her. Not her face, not her name. So, each pause brought him a new world for her. A new identity he assigned her. One moment she was one of those prissy dancers that was trying too hard to fit into a tutu. Next, she was a shallow little brat that worried too much about her ass. The next pause would find her as some wounded little girl that was lost and disgustingly fragile.

He heard the shifting of the chair the girl was sitting in as her anxiety built. "I...don't...have...an eating disorder."

"When you're ready, I want you to know there are places where you can find support and help. Where you can get the counseling you need. If you ever..."

"I don't need anything for you!" the girl said in exasperation. "I'm fine."

"But, you're not," Ms. Sauve said plainly, some sadness evident in her voice.

Another pause.

Jay felt his mind weighing over the scenarios. He wasn't sure what he identified her more as, in the end. What persona he had finally decided to attach to her. He just knew he'd annoyingly moved past being simply amused by the situation too quickly. He wanted to know who she was. He wanted to look into her eyes and see if she looked as damaged as he figured she did.

Ms. Sauve took a breath. "You're not fine, Emma."

_What the fuck?_ Jay thought to himself, nearly saying it out loud_. Well, there was more than one Emma in the school..._

"I'm fine," the girl said emphatically.

"Well, if you ever decide that..." Ms. Sauve stopped at a voice came over the intercom.

_**Ms. Sauve, please report to the main office. Ms. Sauve, to the main office...**_

Jay could almost see Ms. Sauve's sickeningly apologetic smile and the girl's own relieved expression as Ms. Sauve stood up from her chair. "I'll be right back, Emma..."

He heard the clicking of heels and the sound of the door opening and closing. He waited for the heels to fade off into the distance. He tried to keep his hand away from the door. Tried to back down, but he couldn't. He _needed_ to see her face. He needed to see the eyes that belonged to that voice full of passion and yet so hauntingly desperate. Fragile and strong. With an inward groan of frustration at himself Jay turned to handle and stepped out of the closet, not caring whether he got caught or not.

She made a squeak as the door suddenly opened, jumping up from her chair. The girl's eyes whipped over to him, the chocolate brown becoming a deep black as they widened in surprise.

Jay blinked once. Twice. Yet, the blond hair and tanned skin stayed the same. Emma Flippin' Nelson. Someone _had_ to be messing with him....

Jay grunted, opening up his lunch bag and taking out an apple. He nonchalantly cleaned the apple with the bottom of his shirt, trying to appear unfazed, even as his chest pounded. "Well, well. Lookie here. Emma Nelson."

"Jay, what..." Emma said. _Emma_. How had he not noticed it was her voice, the little Environment Freak's voice? How had he believed it could be haunting?

_Captivating?_

Jay felt anger surge through him. She was suppose to be someone who would understand. Instead she was the school's own little goody-goody. Jay sneered. "Princess I'm Better Than You Are is an ol' yacker."

Jay had to laugh to himself. He was pretty sure that as far as ironies went this was top notch. The school's resident go-to-fix-it girl was just as screwed up as the rest of them.

"I don't know what you're thinking, but I'll just have you know you're wrong," Emma began resolutely. "Not that it's any of your business. Someone is very wrong here." She lifted her chin defiantly. "Or something."

_Right, _Jay thought with a laugh "Save the line for someone as stupid as your little friends---"

"Oh, believe me. You more than qualify as stupid."

"--- You ain't foolin' me, Green Peace. Ms. Sauve doesn't just reach out to nobody. She only takes in special cases."

Emma's face tightened into a worried frown. "How did you...What the HELL where you doing in the closet anyway?"

"Oh, Nelson said a bad word," Jay mocked. He shrugged then, his expression not giving away anything. "Lunch is boring. I make my own fun," Jay said, not elaborating.

"In the guidance office's closet." Emma's face scrunched up. "Like the loser you are."

"Touche, Nelson." He stepped closer, hating how hard her eyes looked. Weren't they suppose to be broken? Like his own... "If I were you I'd be a _bit_ nicer to the guy who can blow the lid off your big secret. I know you don't want everyone to know how much of a head case you are."

Jay turned around and went to leave the room.

"Wait, please!" Emma grabbed his arm, her eyes bleeding into his own desperately. "Don't."

Jay felt his stomach bottom out as Emma continued to keep her pained eyes on his own. Broken. There it was... That small edge that betrayed how shattered she was inside. Jay didn't like the feelings that were welling inside as he stared at her. Stomping on any decent emotion he rolled his eyes and shrugged off her hand. "Don't worry, Princess. I have no real reason to. Just stay out of my way and I'll keep to myself how pathetic you really are."

Jay shoved past Emma and went out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He stood outside the door for a moment, looking at the lettering on the window. _Guidance_, it said. He saw Emma's figure distorted through the glass. From outside he never would know it was her. For some reason as he walked away the image of her distorted figure, unrecognizable and manipulated through the glass, stayed with him.

A/N: I know this deals with sensitive issues. If at anytime you feel I am portraying them in a manner that you see incorrect, let me know. I'm willing to listen.


	2. Chapter Two: Nothing Wrong Here

_Thanks to Sam, my unbelievably wonderful beta. My love for Sam is like my love for muffins. It grows with each passing day. Seriously, this writing is pedestrian and you help make it a little bit more than that. I am grateful more than I can say for the time and the care that you put into looking over my writing. Thank you, Sam so much more than I can say. Really, though. I LOVE YOU SAM! ::hugs:: :) More thanks, praise and love to Hash, Lauren, and Jerm for generally being supportive and helping me continue to have the courage to go through with this scary adventure. Ya'll are more than just awesome people, you're good friends! :)_

_No one ever died for my sins in hell_

_As far as I can tell_

_At least the ones I got away with_

_But there's nothing wrong with me_

_This is how I'm suppose to be_

_In a land of make believe_

_That don't believe in me_

_Green Day, 'Jesus of Suburbia'_

_Two weeks later..._

Emma Nelson did not have a problem. She told herself this more than just daily – she told herself this minute to minute. She told herself this each time her mind went over, again and again, every little thing she had eaten that day. She told herself that even when she was staring down at plates fiddling with food, shifting it to the left and back to the right. Keeping it moving, keeping it going. Keeping it anywhere but in her mouth.

She had an obsession, maybe. Or something that was just a bit out of the ordinary. No, that was wrong. She had dedication towards herself and her well-being. That was the truth. Not some made up problem. Because Emma Nelson did not have a problem.

That was the topic filtering over and over in her mind that morning as she grabbed her books from her locker. Her non-problem. Besides, if she did have a problem it wasn't like she really had time to fix it. She had more important things to deal with.

Emma's eyes wandered from her locker to where Jay was standing, arguing with Alex. That was all she seemed to see him doing lately, when he wasn't making snide comments her way during lunchtime. Or any other time for that matter...

Emma watched as Alex sneered at Jay before turning around and walking away. Jay's face went from angry to surprised as he yelled after her, "Alex! Alex... BABE!" Jay's jaw tightened before he darted after her.

_Now he has problems, _Emma decided._ Much bigger problems than me. Cause... I don't...Have a problem._

Emma closed her locker and then walked to her homeroom. When she walked in she felt that sensation she always got when she went into a packed room. It was as though everyone was looking at her and they could _see _her, really see her.

_Everyone is laughing at you..._

Did they know? Could they see all the misplaced pieces? All of the little jigsaw pieces that had been cut up and taped back together awkwardly with tape. Could they find that jagged line between where she had been torn and where she had been haphazardly stitched back together.

Maybe Jay had told. Or... Someone else had told, perhaps.

One of them knew, she was truly aware of that much. One of them had gone down to Ms. Sauve and said there was a problem. Someone she knew, maybe someone in that room, believed Emma was broken. The person had gone so far as dragging Ms. Sauve into it in hopes that she would be "fixed".

Maybe it was just that someone could feel that something was off. Emma would admit to that much. Something was off. Her life, maybe. Her existence, definitely.

But that was it.

Of course they would look at her and say, "Oh, she has an eating problem." But she had been naturally small since she first gurgled happily at her mother over a jar of baby food. She would perhaps admit to being smaller and having become more conscious of what and how much she ate. That didn't constitute a problem.

_They're just jealous..._ She closed her eyes. Of course. Jealousy was ugly and that was all it was. She had lost the illusion of family, lost the belief that the world reverted to right, lost everyone she thought she could count on. Everything had faded. She would not let them take the control over her body away.

It wasn't a problem. They just didn't get it.

Emma shook her thoughts off as she made it to her desk. She slid into her seat, ignoring the pang of hunger that shot through her stomach. Hunger was a hindrance. She was fighting an enemy, she told herself determinedly. But she would win. She always got control over those pangs. If she waited long enough, they would fade off as though they had never appeared.

Homeroom was a blur of names being called and morning announcements. Before she knew it she was on her way to her first class, dazed.

Emma walked through the halls, feeling displaced from her surroundings. She gasped softly as someone grabbed her arm and dragged her into a corner. She turned her head up to glare at Jay, yanking her arm out of his hand.

"Don't touch me," she bit out, her eyes flashing. She wiped the place he had touched her with the sleeve of her shirt, as though he had contaminated her.

_He thinks you're less than nothing..._

Jay took a step back condescendingly. "Sorry, Princess 'Limia." He held up his hands in mock contriteness. "I forgot you're a sacred object of worship I shouldn't dare soil with my peasant hands."

Emma rolled her eyes and went to move passed him but Jay slid a step over and blocked her way. "What?"

Emma didn't have time for this. She also didn't have the energy to put up with Jay's antics. It was bad enough he had overheard Ms. Sauve and actually believed what she had said. Fine, Emma could live with that. Why couldn't he just leave her alone about it already?

"Got a favor to ask, Nelson," Jay said, a look between what Emma would consider contempt and amusement passing across his face.

Emma shook her head, not believing what she was hearing. A favor? For _him_? Yeah, when pigs could fly. "I wouldn't do favors for you if you paid me to."

"No." Jay smirked, grabbing her arm and leading her further away from the populated area.

Emma pulled back her arm and gave Jay what she hoped was a scathing look. Who did he think he was dragging her around like he owned her? He always did that, marching around like he owned everything and everyone. Taking what he wanted, discarding what he deemed useless.

God, she really hated him. So much the emotion was almost tangible to her.

Jay leaned in closer to her, his blue eyes so emotionless that they looked like orbs of ice. "What if I blackmailed you to?"

Emma's eyes went wide. "You wouldn't."

They both knew he would and the thought made Emma's throat go dry.

Jay's lips quirked in derivative amusement. "No? You really that stupid? Cause I think we both know I would."

Emma swallowed in an attempt to wash away the sudden dryness in her mouth, putting on a brave face. "Go ahead. There's nothing wrong with me."

Had anyone in the world ever been so cold and ruthless? Ever been so without feeling. Nope. Jay Hobart was the epitome of heartless and cruel. Any doubts Emma had once held were being dashed right then and there.

"Keep telling yourself that at night." Jay's voice was so sharp it hurt her ears. Had it always been so mechanical sounding? So lifeless? "Maybe one day you'll believe it."

"You're one to talk about being screwed up!" She threw out.

"---Until then, do you want the whole school to know you're giving Ellie competition for the 'Most Screwed-up Girl at Degrassi' award, or you gointo cooperate?"

_He would tell in a heartbeat just to spite me,_ Emma thought in despair. Jay didn't care about what it would do to her. If she got down on her knees and begged him, he'd probably just laugh at her. He had been waiting like the snake he was to strike out and use the information to his own personal gain. No, she had no delusions about the type of person Jay was. He was ruthless and he would destroy her world without a second thought.

She turned her head to look at the bustling of people over in the more crowded area of the school. Isolated in the corner she could almost forget they were out there. But they were. Jay knew that and was taunting her with her fear of them, of what they would do to her. If he spilled, they would eat her alive.

_They already think you're pathetic..._

If Emma had thought her hate was deep before, suddenly it was enormous as she turned back to look at Jay. She could read his eyes now and in them she saw shameless triumph.

Emma's shoulders sagged in defeat. "What do you want, Jay?"

A million different things flashed through her mind. Maybe he wanted her help writing a paper. No, that didn't sound right. He probably wanted her to write a paper _for_ him. Or help him cheat on an exam. Yeah, that sounded unsavory and Jay-like.

Whatever else she would have come up with was stopped as Jay's next words left his mouth, leaving Emma nearly speechless.

"Alex broke up with me," Jay said plainly. If it weren't for the slight twitching in his cheek, Emma almost would have believed he wasn't affected by it.

_So he does have a bit of a heart,_ Emma thought in amazement_. A small one. And it is probably black and rotted through. But, still... Some form of a heart._

Emma was a bit confused as to what any of it had to do with her, and worked towards trying to make sense of what he was getting at. "If you think that me talking to Alex for you will help your case, then you _are _stupid."

"Not done. Do you always yap so much?," Jay cut in, annoyance twisting his face. "I was sayin', Me and Alex broke up... And I am well aware of how much you two don't get along."

Emma rolled her eyes. "That's the understatement of the year."

Jay's smirk became wider at her words. "Which is why you're perfect."

Emma didn't like where this was going. She felt a slight tremor go up her spine as anxiety filled her. "Perfect for what?"

"For making her pissed and jealous, all at the same time."

Why would she make Alex "pissed and jealous"? That didn't make any...Emma shook her head as the pieces came together. "No. NO! You want me to, like, date you? I'd rather..."

"What? Let the whole school in on your imperfect little secret? Let me make this cut and dry for you. Help me or I help the school to the best gossip they've heard in months."

Emma felt the walls closing in on her and the hallway tilt a bit. All those people, all those faces and voices centered on her. She clenched her teeth, refusing to show Jay how much the thought truly petrified her. Not that there was anything wrong with her. But they didn't know that. They would think there was.

She had no choice and she knew it. "Alright, I'll help you."

"What was that?" Jay put his hand to his ear, delighting in the moment too much if you asked Emma.

_And the hate rises a notch..._ Emma hated him more than anything in that moment. She hated the glint in his eye that made him look like the cat that had swallowed the canary. She hated the way his voice was so taunting and that, for reasons she didn't know, it cut into her hard and deep.

"I said I'll help you," she gritted out, carefully saying every syllable. _You unbelievable slime ball..._

"Good choice, Princess." Jay smiled, though it looked more like a sneer.

_He can't even smile decently,_ Emma thought dismally_. Is he even human?_

"What do I..." Emma began quietly, then snapped out of it. She wasn't going to act like some kind of chastised child. She might be being blackmailed, but he didn't own her. "I'm not going to kiss you. Or do anything else with you that involves getting close to you."

Jay made what sounded like an annoyed sigh, then rolled his eyes. "Listen, Princess, if we're going to convince people you're my girl you're going to have to act like it."

"I'm not going to, like, make out with you!"

Jay gave her an 'are you kidding me' look. "Nelson, I wouldn't stick my tongue in your mouth if _you_ blackmailed _me_."

Emma let that sink in, not sure if she should be insulted or just plain relieved. Well, that was good though. He would be keeping himself to, well, himself. "So, how does this work? Do I spend time with you around school? Or, do you want me to..."

Jay shrugged. "Don't over think yourself into eating a cupcake. Let's play it by ear. I'm thinking slow at first. Like lunch. Monday. Make it a point to be there with me."

Emma's eyes went big as a new panic spread through her. "You really expect me to sit with you." _With Sean and Ellie_, Emma added silently. _During lunch_.

Emma wasn't sure what scared her more at that moment. Having to sit with Sean and his new girlfriend for any period of time would be hard enough. But did it have to be during lunch? Lunches already made her uncomfortable, as though her movements were being watched by somebody. Why did Jay have to add to her discomfort.

"You're really not that big of a dumbass," Jay said, though Emma got the feeling he didn't fully believe what he was saying. "What, you think you can just float around me every now and then? Maybe grant me with your glowing presence? Please. Even the losers at this school wouldn't buy that. No, this needs to be good enough that Alex buys it."

"Okay, then..."

"People need to be convinced you're having sex with me," Jay concluded.

Emma's face twisted in disgust, her stomach turning. "Tell me you're making a bad joke. Do you know what people will..."

"Do you know what they will be saying if they aren't talking about your make believe sex life?" Jay waited a beat before finishing. "Let me give you a hint. It has the words "eating" and "disorder". Maybe they'll add 'fucked up' to the mix just for kicks."

Emma took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay standing. To remain calm. They could talk about this later. Jay could think whatever he wanted, they weren't going to go there. But she didn't have the energy to argue right then. She just wanted out of the conversation. "Lunch. Monday."

"Knew you'd see it my way." As he finally moved passed her he said, "I'll see you tomorrow, _babe_."

Emma's eyes widened at his last word but before she could muster a reply Jay was already halfway down the hall. She watched his form disappear around a corner. Slowly, she made her way back to the noisy and more crowded area of Degrassi. Stopping in front of her locker she looked at it silently before heavily leaning against it.

"This is not good," Emma mumbled to herself, closing her eyes in frustration.

It wasn't like things between her and Alex weren't bad enough. The girl would rather kill her than look at her twice. Her and Jay "dating" was only bound to stir even more trouble between the two of them. She had known Jay was a jerk, but that much of one?

Emma felt that all too familiar surge of hate flow through her.

Emma wasn't even sure if he wanted Alex back. It just seemed like he wanted to hurt her. What type of person would go to such lengths to hurt someone they supposedly cared about?

Emma heard a soft laugh and opened her eyes to see a group of students go by. Mixed into the group were Ellie and Sean. Ellie's eyes stopped and fell on Emma, the brown in her eyes going from sparkling laughter to something less identifiable.

Emma shifted under the stare, all too familiar with it by now. It was strange how she would find Ellie looking at her in that way. It was as though Ellie could see right through her, into those deeply hidden pieces of herself.

_I'm not going to steal your boyfriend,_ Emma wanted to tell her She never did though and those unsettling eyes kept following her.

Emma flinched back from Ellie and turned to Sean, whose eyes were still all for his girlfriend. Emma felt a pang, this time of regret and not hunger, deep in her stomach. No, she wouldn't take Sean from Ellie. She couldn't even if she wanted to.

As the group, as Sean, disappeared down the hall, she thought maybe she did understand Jay more than she would like. She had struck out at Sean, hurt and angry, wanting to make him feel some sort of pain. Wanting to emotionally sucker punch him as hard as she could.

Anyway she could.

But at least she knew it was wrong, now. Also, how dare he drag her into his little scheme. Couldn't he find a way to get Alex "pissed and jealous" without her? Emma was sure he could find some stupid girl to actually date him. Alex couldn't be the only girl with brain damage in the school. Maybe if she even gave it enough effort she could convince Heather Sinclair that bad boys were the new jock and she should date Jay.

Emma's stomach clenched tightly and she clamped a hand over the tightly drawn skin. It seemed nowadays she couldn't outrun much of anything.


	3. Chapter Three: The Downside

Feedback: Thank you, thank you, thank you. More than you know, I am very grateful for the wonderful feedback I have been given. It has pushed me along and inspired me! Thank you again. I usually like to send individual thank you e-mails for feedback, so hopefully I will be able to do that for the reviews on this chapter. :) Thank you again!

A/N: I'm just going to put it out there that I'm out to play this from a lot of angles and, honestly, I hope you are very confused on how this will end.

_I am nothing more than a little boy inside  
That cries out for attention  
though I always try to hide  
'Cause I talk to you like children,  
Though I don't know how I feel  
But I know I'll do the right thing  
If the right thing is revealed_

_Staid, 'Epiphany' _

Sean Cameron was suppose to be angry at the world. It was expected of him. That was his calling card, the little stamp that said he had been there. Sulking and brooding were his specialty. He was suppose to walk around like the world owed him something and he never figured he would be allowed to cash in.

The truth was that Sean Cameron didn't have much to complain about these days. Yeah, he only ever had just enough money to get by each month. Maybe most of his socks had holes the size of his big toe in them. But, really, he didn't have any big complaints.

He was pretty much living life on his own terms, in his own house. He could sleep in if he wanted to on Sundays or get up and be productive. He could do his homework or say screw it. Hell, he could leave the refrigerator door open and no one would be there to yell at him or scold him. It was his life and at sixteen that was a pretty sweet deal.

He finally had a group he figured he fit with, if only basically. They were rough around the edges, and a little bit more than slightly dangerous. Yeah, Jay could be an ass. More than that. Jay didn't know how to respond to people in a humane manner, sometimes. He was too much bravado and brute force, had too many pent up years of anger riding on his back. But, he was Sean's best friend. Yeah, he could get him into major trouble. But he knew, thick or thin, Jay would be there to bail him out.

That made two pluses in the 'Why Sean Cameron Can't Complain' column.

Plus Number Three: he had a girlfriend that got him.

Ellie Nash, resident basket case. If she wasn't walking towards someone with a sulky expression, she was running past them with a look that said her world had kaleidoscoped before her eyes. But when she smiled it was like the entire world hinged on her breath and he could literally feel the earth dip. More amazing, when she smiled at him... For him. It was like some cheesy Hollywood movie scene or something _every time_.

Sean wasn't going to throw any of that mushy terminology around. Not yet. Maybe it was love, maybe it wasn't. He really didn't know because it was too confusing. He had been in love before Ellie. It had been so different, so contrastable to everything Ellie and him had that it boggled his mind. It had been passion and fire. Heat. With Ellie, it was slower. Like a tide coming in and covering him or something lame like that.

Love, maybe. He'd figure it out later. All he knew was that being with her made things a little easier, a little bit more tolerable. There was nothing wrong with that from where he was sitting. Nothing at all.

Finally, he had a plate full of food in front of him and forty-five minutes to eat it all. He gave it ten minutes, which left thirty-five minutes left for him to drag Ellie to some secluded corner of Degrassi and indulge in some illegal PDAs. Some major ones.

Nope, Sean had no complaints with the world at all. The way he saw it, maybe the world was finally paying him back for how shitty his life had been for so long.'

"Yo Cameron!"

Sean looked over across the cafeteria only long enough to see Jay motioning to him while dragging some blonde by the hand. Sean nodded at Jay, then turned back to Ellie, not really giving it a second thought.

_Another blonde airhead,_ he thought absentmindedly

Okay, maybe one complaint. Jay and Alex should never break up. Ever. It only resulted in Sean being forced to deal with too many stupid, brain dead girls that didn't seem to know they were only a brief stopover before Jay wound up back with Alex.

Sean was about to make a joke to Ellie about it all when he was elbowed, hard, by her.

"Jesus, Ellie, what the hell did you..." His words trailed off as his eyes landed on the pair standing in front of him on the other side of the lunch table.

Sean sat there in shock, his eyes moving rapidly back and forth between the two of them. His best friend. His ex-girlfriend. His best friend and... his ex-girlfriend? If this scene had been one of those, "What doesn't fit" picture puzzles, Sean would've put a big, red circle around Jay and Emma. Being together.

Sean was over thinking this. Who said the two of them couldn't expand their circle of friends? Maybe they had dipped into the Twilight Zone and the two had found some common ground. Maybe they just got along now. Didn't Jay say there wasn't really anybody good at his lunches on some days? He could have been eating lunches with Emma.

Yeah, that's it.

"Hey man," Sean said slowly. He looked at Emma meaningfully. "What's up?"

"Lunch." Jay slid into the bench, plopping his paper bag lunch onto the table. Emma stood there mutely before Jay grabbed her hand and yanked on it. Emma sunk into the seat beside him as Jay smiled strangely her. "Right, _babe_?"

_Babe?_ Sean nearly choked on his chocolate milk. He did not just hear that. He knows he didn't. There was no way that Jay had just called Emma 'babe' in that way that he does... That lecherous, 'I want to get into your pants' way.

"Right." There was a beat of silence followed by a wickedly evil grin by Emma. "_Muffin_."

He wasn't sure, but Sean thought he saw Jay wince.

Sean finally looked toward Ellie to see if she knew what was going on. Ellie raised an eyebrow and shrugged. The expression on her face clearly said, "_Don't ask me, I'm just as lost_".

Ellie turned back to Emma and Jay, finally giving voice to the questions spinning in Sean's mind. "Did I miss the joke? Babe? _Muffin_?"

Emma smiled sweetly, looping her arm around Jay's shoulder. "What can I say? Sometimes people surprise you." She looked at Jay. "Right, _muffin_?"

Sean saw Jay slowly morph his face into something that could pass for a smile. Although, it looked like he had been kicked in the stomach or swallowed something vile. Jay turned to Emma then. "Yeah, Princess. They do. Sometimes they _really _surprise you."

Sean became even more confused when something close to fear flashed across Emma's face. There was an edge to her voice as she said, "People are just full of surprises."

Jay's eyes became unreadable before he leaned over and placed what looked like a very awkward kiss onto the side of Emma's face. Then, he leaned close to her ear and whispered words Sean couldn't make out from across the table.

Emma's face went from tight and withdrawn to slowly softening. The worry washed away, being replaced with varying emotions Sean couldn't pinpoint. Jay pulled back, then looped his arm around her shoulders. He yanked her to his side, his hand staying on her shoulder in what looked like a strong grip.

Sean's gaze was fixated on his fingers touching Emma's shoulder, those calloused tips on her skin. He remembered that skin...

He felt a soft weight pressing on his shoulder and looked to his left to find Ellie's head resting there with her face turned upwards toward him. He was stopped by the wariness he saw in her eyes, the trace of insecurity.

He dipped his head down so close to her so that only she could hear. Softly, in a voice he did not even recognize, he said to her, "I love you."

Her head snapped off of his shoulder to look at him more closely. He wasn't sure why he had said those stupid three words. Hadn't he just been debating with himself over what he felt about her? He wanted to love her, but the truth he wasn't sure if he truly loved Ellie. He should take it back, before it was too late. Yeah, that's what he was going to do. But then her eyes began to sparkle as she brought her mouth to his and he heard the murmured words, "I love you" before she kissed him.

The kiss was more sincere than passionate and it ended quickly, leaving nothing more than a light tingling on his lips. When she pulled far enough away from him he was able to see a smile wider and more beautiful that he had ever seen on her. He had done that. He had given her that smile. Suddenly it no longer mattered if he really loved her or not. All that mattered was that she believed he did.

That she was looking at him that way, with that much love.

He snapped back to reality to find Jay and Emma's gazes on the two of them. Emma was tucked up close next to Jay, his arm still wrapped around her. She looked at ease and comfortable.

He didn't care, right? Well, not mostly. He had Ellie, possibly even loved her. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. He needed to repeat it like a chant. He was going to tell her he loved her over and over again. Hell, Each moment he had to spare, every time he could remember to, he was going to tell her. That would make it true, eventually that line would blur and he would love her. He would.

He wasn't jealous, he decided. Not of Jay for being with Emma. But it was still majorly screwed up. Emma was going to get hurt and for the first time it wasn't going to be by him. He was watching the beginnings of a train wreck, but he could stop it. He could pull Emma out before she crashed and burned.

He settled it then, moving his hand under the table so it took Ellie's in his own. He was going to have a talk with Emma. He figured he could talk to Jay, but he'd have more luck talking to a brick wall. Jay would probably tell Sean to go fuck himself. No, Emma was as a whole more reasonable. He'd try it out with her first.

_Afterschool,_ Sean decided. He would catch her afterschool when he knew she was most likely to be alone.

Not long after lunch, Sean was making his way through the halls and toward his next class. He hated Geometry. All of it didn't make much sense to him and he thought it was pretty useless. But, Armstrong was going to have his neck if he was late again.

He felt a hard tug on the back of his shoulder and turned around to find Alex, a hard jut to her mouth, staring at him. "So, you want to tell me what's going on?"

_I don't have time for this,_ Sean thought in frustration_. Why can't Jay deal with his own psycho ex-girlfriend?_

Sean shrugged, not in the mood to deal with Alex or her over the top temper. She made him look easy going. "No clue, Alex."

Alex's face scrunched up. Sean wanted to tell her it made her look like a raccoon, but bit his tongue. Point for him. "Well, then get a clue Cameron. Tell me what you know about Nature Freak and Jay."

Sean started to walk, letting Alex fall into step next to him. "I know about as much as you do, alright. They just showed up at lunch today all grossly attached."

Alex stopped, grabbing his arm and roughly forcing him to face her. "Are you jealous? I really hope you aren't just messing with Ellie cause if you are you can't imagine what I'll do to you."

"I'm sure it'll be full of lost body parts," Sean said, not threatened as he rolled his eyes and shrugged her off. "I don't have time for this, Alex."

He moved past her, clenching his jaw as she followed behind. "Make time for it."

Alex started walking with him again, her body moving in that swing it had. The one that said she owned the world, she owned herself, and no one better try and screw with her or else. Even to him it could be a bit intimidating, whether he showed it or not.

Sean wasn't sure why, but Alex always made him feel uncomfortable. She might have been Jay's girlfriend for as long as he'd known the guy, but they had never really gotten along. Sean wouldn't say they fought or disliked each other. But he wouldn't call her a friend, either. She was just the chick that dated his best friend and hung out with his girlfriend.

Well, and the girl he seriously didn't want to piss off.

"I'm going to Geometry, Alex. You're not in my class," he said, letting his annoyance seep through into his words. He wanted her to get the hint. This wasn't the time for them to buddy up. He had enough on his mind. He didn't need Alex adding herself into the pile.

Sean saw Alex shrug out of the corner of his eye. "And? You still haven't told me anything I'm dying to know here, Seany-boy."

Sean stopped walking for a second time, grabbing Alex by the arm and pulling her off to the side. "Alex, I don't know anything. They look like a couple. You broke up with him... Get over it, okay?"

"You do know this is complete bullshit, right? You know he's playing me... And he's playing her." Alex's eyes flashed yellow at Sean. "I don't believe for a second..."

The bell rang and Sean let out a curse. "Great. I'm late for class. Armstrong is going to kill me." He tossed Alex what he hoped was a biting look then moved away from her.

At the end of school later that day Sean waited for Emma by her locker like he had planned. His back was hunched against the row of lockers, his body supported by them. Once it would have been typical to find him standing there waiting for her to show up, willing to hold a book of hers or help Emma crack a smile after a weary day.

Now, it felt strange and oddly foreign to Sean.

_That was a different lifetime,_ Sean realized One that belonged to him and Emma. When they were a "them", an "us". When first love sappily translated into forever and all he could see was her. All he ever wanted was her. He hadn't been a jackass then and she hadn't been a vindictive, vengeful bitch.

They'd just been Sean and Emma. They'd been _perfect_. Now, they were brutally damaged. Sean wasn't stupid. There was no going back, no looking back. He didn't believe in regret and he didn't believe in wasting his time with 'what ifs'. Him and Emma were over, for good. He didn't even want her anymore.

He had Ellie and he was going to love her. Ellie and him were an _us_ now. He had to remember that and how he wanted to be that us. Damnit, he really did. He wouldn't lose Ellie. He wasn't going to fuck up with her the way he did with Emma.

Sean saw a flash of blonde and stood up, shaking a kink out of his neck as he did so. Emma didn't see him yet but instead looked lost inside that head of hers. Sean saw the deep frown and the glazed look in her eye, the way her body moved awkwardly. Emma's movements use to be graceful, now they just looked clunky.

_How long has she been run down?_ The thought played in his mind but he shook it off. She was probably having a long day or something. Nothing major. Emma wasn't the type of person to get run down. She took on everything head on, and piss on you if you tried to stop her because you would get run over in the process.

He saw Emma's face register shock as she came up next to him before her eyes blanketed over to a sharp brown. "Sean?"

"Emma, hey, " he started awkwardly, then rolled his eyes at himself. But, really, how was he suppose to let his ex-girlfriend in on the fact that Jay was wrong for her? He couldn't see how he would. Not without trashing his best friend or breaking some lame exes rule.

Hey, when did Sean Cameron ever follow unspoken rules anyway?

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" he found himself bursting out, deciding to just put it out there.

Emma looked at him as though he had lost it. "Sean, what---"

Sean clenched his jaw as another image of Jay touching Emma came to his mind. He saw them in Jay's rancid smelling house tangled up together in his equally disgusting sheets. Guys like Jay didn't just make out with girls. Guys like Jay had sex with girls. It didn't matter if the girl was Emma Nelson. If Alex wasn't in the picture, which happened once in a while, it was 'wham, bam, thank you for the joyride, don't call me I'll call you'.

That's what Jay _did_ when Alex and him split.

Emma was setting herself up to be one more notch on the 'Alex and I are on a break' belt. He felt his temper rise. "I take that back. What the _hell _do you think you're doing?"

Emma's mouth dropped open for a second, her expression nearly comical. Then she closed it again with a nearly audible pop before narrowing her eyes. "What am I doing?"

Sean laughed humorlessly. Was Emma _really _this stupid? "Are you really that stupid? Have all those environmental campaigns fried your brain. Emma, _Jesus_... Jay?"

"Are you really here to talk to me about Jay? Get a clue, Sean. That is none of your business."

"I've known you for four years---"

"Three."

"--- And I've seen you do some really stupid things. When I see you making the lamest move I've seen you make, it is my business."

"Who said it was a mistake?" Emma raised her left eyebrow, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Em, come on. You know the type of guy Jay is. He steals and he..."

Emma laughed humorlessly. "Right, cause he stole that laptop all on his own."

"This isn't about that."

"You brought it up. And I think it is. Isn't he suppose to be your _best friend_?"

Sean clenched his jaw. "He _is_ my best friend."

"Huh, funny. You have a weird way of showing it. Wow, Sean, I wish all of my friends could be as loyal as you."

"The way it looks now, they are." Sean hated the flash of hurt he saw cross over her face. He softened his voice. "I'm trying to look out for everyone."

He really was. He needed to protect Emma from the obvious mental breakdown she was having. He needed to protect himself from the nausea-inducing sight of seeing them together at lunch. He needed to save Ellie from dealing with the awkwardness of his ex-girlfriend sitting at the same table. And he needed to protect Jay from being beaten to death.

By him.

"Find a new pet project," Emma snapped at him, her eyes blazing. "I'm not it. I don't need to be, like, looked out for. Okay? "

Sean knew he'd just stepped into a pile of shit. There was no way around it, really. No one told Emma she needed to be looked after. No one. Not if they wanted to keep their head connected to their neck.

Sean tried his best to remain calm, hoping that would in turn relax Emma. If he could just get her to think he wasn't satan, maybe she would listen to him. He _had_ to make her understand what she was doing. "Jay is my best friend, Em. I know him better than almost anyone."

"So?" Emma shrugged, disinterested.

"I know what I'm talking about." Sean stopped to think, choosing his next words carefully. "Look, okay... Jay isn't a bad guy. But he isn't a good one, either."

"He isn't a good guy?" Emma said, seemingly in question.

"No, Emma. He really isn't."

Sean felt the shift then, as though ghosts had suddenly been released from their prisons. It had been there in the air from the moment he had walked over to her locker, all of the things that had happened between them. But now it was as though every mistake they had made with each other, all of the bad, had been raised up and put between them. It felt tangible now, if that was possible.

_Well, yippy-do_ Sean thought_. If I know this scene as well as I think I do Emma will be walking away from me with her nose up in the air in, oh, five seconds. After she throws a parting shot at me. Of course she has to get that damn parting shot in. I mean, the girl just couldn't..._

Emma shrugged. "Well, funny. Neither are you."

Then, predictably, she turned around and walked away from him. Goddamn nose in the air.

Sean felt his body quiver with anger. He had been done with this. He hadn't wanted to find something to be angry about, some reason to hate the world.

Chalk one up to Emma Nelson, she always found a way to screw him over.


	4. Chapter Four: Miss Perfect

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Boo-yah.

I enjoyed writing this chapter. I want to keep the smaller chapters of the previous installments in this story. This chapter became so massive that it was split into two chapters in order to accomplish this.

_This is my December_

_These are my snow covered dreams_

_This is me pretending_

_This is all I need._

_And I just wish I didn't feel like _

_there was something I missed._

_Linkin Park, 'My December'_

**_Emma:_**

**Day 8, Week 2**

_100_

That was the magic number. The three digit figure that would make her entire world fall back into place and heal her. If she could just reach that one, perfect number she'd never need anything again. Even the shape and look of that number was beautiful to Emma. The zeros laying down next to each other, a united pair. The singular one, standing brave and guarding over the other two.

Perfect threesome.

If she just kept pushing, kept to her diet, she would reach that pinnacle she was climbing towards. One morning she would wake up and that wonderful number would be staring back at her from the top of a scale.

_You're such a loser..._

Emma slammed the door in her mind mentally. _No. _Those thoughts were not going to stir. She had enough problems, enough worries. She wanted one day, just one, where her demons didn't chase her through the corridors of her head.

Still, the flat rectangular shaped maker of her destiny lay only feet away from her. Like every morning she would eventually tip-toe onto the scale and then step upon it so ever lightly, as if her movements could reduce her weight. She would look down and see the red number staring back at her with inevitable disappointment following.

That magic, perfect number stayed ever elusive. She just wanted to reach it. Wasn't that reasonable? She wanted something she could make exactly the way she wanted it to be and three little numbers on some stupid, metal scale wasn't asking too much.

_Go ahead and step on the scale…_

Emma sighed as her thoughts finally pushed her toward the scale. She lazily closed the space between her and the common household appliance. She stood beside it for a moment as the three perfect numbers flashed through her mind. With a deep breath she summoned her courage and stepped onto the scale.

108.

Emma blinked a few times at the red number them stepped off the scale with her shoulders hanging. She walked over to her vanity mirror, pulling her shirt off and tossing it aside as she did. When she stood in front of the mirror with the top half of her skin exposed she grimaced. The skin was taunt, drawn too tightly over her skin but all she saw was the bulge. She splayed her hand over her stomach then patted it with emphasis.

_You're so disgusting…_

"Emma! Come upstairs and grab some breakfast!" Emma broke out of her thoughts at her mother's call, grabbing the shirt off the floor and pulling it back over her head.

She threw her school books into her backpack, looking at the time. The clock read 7:25 which meant she still had a good ten minutes before Jay would get there to pick her up. She needed to slow down if she wanted to slip out without breakfast. Her stomach growled in protest, but she ignored it.

_Just a few more weeks_, she thought as she placed the last book into her backpack. _Just a few more and I'll be where I want to be…_

Emma sat on the edge of her bed, her fingers beginning to play with the bottom of the sheet that was hanging off the side. A second letter she bound off the bed and began pacing back and forth. She needed to maintain some level of business or the antsy energy that was becoming a part of her would eat her from the inside out.

Her stomach growled against, this time more loudly. Emma stopped and looked down at her stomach, feeling the overwhelming need to run upstairs and consume the fat laden breakfast her mom had made for her.

_I wish Jay would hurry up and get here_, Emma thought. The words echoed in her mind as Emma played them over again. She was surprised there could ever be a day where she wanted to see Jay Hogart sooner rather than later.

It was like the universe was playing a massive joke on her. How quickly it had become expected that Jay would give her a ride to school scared Emma. She didn't want to be in this middle of nowhere place where she was living a lie that her mind was becoming accustomed to living.

How had she gotten here and was there really a way out? Emma wasn't sure very sure there was. As Emma began to pace again she found her mind thinking back to the first couples that had started with a simple lunch and continued to grow.

**Day 1, Week 1 (night)**

_Dear Mr. Hobart,_

_It has come to my attention that you are a heartless piece of shitp. I hope soon that you will grace this world with your untimely demise. Not only do I hope that you rot from the inside out, but I hope you live the rest of your life alone and miserable. The exact way you deserve to be._

_Sincerely,_

_The girl who's life you're ruining for your own amusement_

Emma wearily closed her journal and let the pen drop onto the closed cover. She watched the pen roll down the front of the journal before landing beside it in a soft tap. She hated the tired sigh that escaped out of her lips but couldn't suppress it. Her journal entries were usually witty and profound. At least, she liked to think that they were pensive interpretations of what was going on in her life. Her usual entries were at least better than the drivel she had just jotted down. It was all 'woe is me' crap.

She had tried to write about it in her journal more than once. Even though she had gotten a full night of rest her eyes felt heavy and tired from hours spent staring at a blank notebook page. Her hand had been cramped last night but not from an excessive amount of writing. Instead it was from holding a pen poised in her hand over the pages, ready to start writing as soon as the words came to her. But they never did travel from her heart to her mind and then down to her pen.

But she did feel better after making that entry. It wasn't great literature or anything great at all. It had, however, been therapeutic. Emma crawled into her bed and pulled the covers close around her. Her stomach rumbled, a small pain filtering up through her body. The memories of the day hammered back toward her, angry and wanting attention.

Emma was preparing herself for a performance that would make any actress proud. She had become a master at convincing others it was one way when it was really another.

Jay's face was oddly serious, a hard glint to his eyes and a firm set to his jaw. "Okay, Green Peace… You've only got one shot to seel this. Do not screw up. Do ya got it?"

He was so smug and condescending. Emma couldn't help it. Without even trying Jay seemed to push every button she had. "Gee, Jay, you're so great at this sweet talk! I wonder why Alex dumped you."

Jay's eyes turned from a calculating blue to a cold, icy steel. "Gee, you're so pleasant to be around I wonder why Sean ever dumped you like unwanted dead weight." His face dropped into an overly exaggerated contrite expression. "Oh, did I say a bad word? Is weight an offensive term to you?"

Emma felt the air go out of her lungs. Why did she even try to go head to head with him. Jay was cruel and nasty in a way she couldn't even comprehend. She would never be able to win against that type of ruthless attitude. "Let's just get this over with!"

Emma went to open the door but Jay grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "It isn't going to work if you look like you're going to cry, Sprout."

Emma bit her lip and turned her eyes away. She wasn't going to cry. He did not have to worry about her crying during their debut as a hot Degrassi couple. Crying would mean breaking down in front of him and she would not let Jay know how much he could hurt her.

Jay put his hands on both sides of her arms. "Look, I run my mouth, okay? No big deal. Let's just do this. Alright?"

"I hate lunchtime," Emma said, allowing herself the small truth. "Everybody staring…"

She waited for the sucker punch, for Jay's mocking words and damning eyes. But the words and the sneers didn't come. Instead Jay looked at her for a second before saying, "Hey, I thought you were fearless." Jay's eyes danced with a challenge.

Emma's eyes narrowed. "I am."

"Well, alright." Jay gave his familiar half smile. "Let's go put on a show for the circus."

Emma reached between them and went to place her hand in his only to hear Jay snort. He

pulled his hand away and rolled his eyes, a look of amusement floating over his face.

"Jay-" Emma's words stilled as she was pulled against his side, his arm wrapping around her shoulders. Emma went to shrug him off but he only pulled her more firmly against him. "What are you doing, Jay?"

"Holding hands is for lapdogs, pansies and little girls, Nelson." He pulled her closer against him for emphasis. "I'm not gonna play the role of your frickin' lapdog."

The weight of his arm felt heavy as it lay draped across her shoulders, like a hook holding her into place. But that didn't matter. She nodded her head and reached out with her hand, watching as though from outside herself as the door swung to the bustling lunch room swung open.

Inside the lunch room swirled with noise and clatter. The swirl of new gossip and old mingled together so the whispers became louder than any of the other noise. The structure of tables lay in front of her in familiar fashion, the usual collection of people sitting and eating together.

The only abnormality to the picture was standing in the doorway, a few inches away from becoming a freak show. Emma steeled herself and made a mental note that this was the better of the two things people could talk about concerning her. It didn't matter that neither was true… She'd take this falsehood over the one Jay would gleefully spread through the school.

Stepping into that lunch room attached to Jay had been surreal. It was something she would have once said was impossible. As they walked past lunch tables she felt the heads turning and the eyes following them. A soft hush descended on the lunch room as their fascination became drawn toward the newly established Degrassi couple.

"I can't believe her… Is she really that stupid?" She heard a voice whisper among the throng.

Another voice said loudly, "First Cameron, now Hogart?"

Emma felt dirty as Jay pulled her even closer, like she was some prized trophy he was displaying. The faces of people she had gone to school with for years contorted into gaping masks of amazement and disbelief.

She felt both objectified and crucified during that one long walk, as though Jay had brought in an animated blonde girlfriend to show and tell. Emma, annoyed and beginning to feel panicked, shrugged off his arm and grabbed his hand.

Jay turned to Emma, his eyes narrowing even as he took her hand in his own. He started walking faster then, his longer strides moving him faster than Emma's shorter ones. Emma struggled to keep up, feeling like she was literally being dragged by Jay across the lunch room. She figured this was his way of taking the 'pansy' out of the hand holding.

"Yo Cameron!" Jay called from in front of her and Emma felt her stomach twist. She had thought she was ready for this moment but now she just wanted to run away. She made a move to pull her hand out of Jay's but his fingers clenched around her own like steel. He didn't let go of it until she stood at the table with Ellie gaping at the two of them while Sean absentmindedly ate his lunch.

The rest of the lunch was mostly a blue, with only bits and pieces still hanging on in her mind. She vaguely remembers Jay yanking her down beside him and them exchanging words that on the surface seemed sweet but were really laced with venom and animosity. She has a firm memory of Jay's whispered words to her in between the verbal sparring that they passed off as lovebird chatter.

"Chill, Nelson," he had said to her, placing an awkward kiss on the side of her face. She could tell her had never really done that before and only now did so as a cover. "No need to be so high strung, Nelson. They don't know anything, I'm not tellin' them anything. You're doin' fine. Just chill, okay?"

Even in the haze of that lunch she knew that had been as close to reassuring as Jay possible could get. She took it for what is was and allowed herself to relax, mostly but tunneling inside of herself deeper.

But she has flashes in her memory of Sean's face throughout lunch, the puzzlement and the disbelief that glazed his eyes. She can recall Sean and Ellie, how they shared their own whispered words. How Ellie's face had lit up with love and happiness…

Emma was glad most of the lunch was bundled together into a mess of memories. It was too bad her memory of the confrontation with Sean that same afternoon was still firmly intact. _How dare he make her his business again out of nowhere? _She didn't need him sulking around in the corners waiting to help her out when he deemed it worthy of his time. He hadn't been there in over six months, she didn't need him to be there for her now.

Sean had been on the attack, too. He had cut into her with a righteous anger he had no right to have concerning her. He had made his choices a long time ago when he had walked away from her. _He had no right_.

But she had liked it.

Deep down Enna had gotten a rush out of the concern behind all of the anger. He still cared. The knowledge that he would still worry about her touched a part of her heart that she had closed off. She hated that she liked it, that she had gotten a thrill from it.

"He isn't a good guy?" Emma had asked him, already preparing to pounce with an attack.

"No, Emma. He really isn't." He had said it so simply, with no vindictive tone or ulterior motive. He had believed what he was saying and he didn't just say it to wound her. But what could she have said? _"Hey, I agree with you. Your best friend is pond scum."_ ? Besides, he was the worst type of hypocrite.

She had simply shrugged, not budging an inch. "Well, funny. Neither are you."

_That had been all wrong, _she thought as she walked away. _All wrong._ Sean wasn't like Jay and he wasn't a bad guy. She felt a knot in her stomach for lumping them in the same category. Sean would never think of blackmailing her into pretending to date him. Sean, in the end, was a good person.

She was deep in her thoughts when she ran into Jay. His arms were wrapping around her before she could even comprehend she had bumped into someone.

"What-"

"Hey Greenie," Jay had smirked, looking down at her. She really hated that he was taller than her. It automatically gave him an edge of superiority over her because she was always looking up at him. She bet he loved that he got to look down at her.

"Jay." Emma pulled back from him slightly, looking around at all the questioning faces. "Haven't we had enough public displays of deception for one day? Do we have to completely overdue it today? Like, really…"

Jay looked around them before pulling her to his side and steering her down the hallway. "Try to look happy and fed. And less like a starving martyr."

"I'm not in the mood, Jay." Emma laughed, a cynical smile crossing her face. "Huh, I bet you've heard that before."

Emma let out a small noise of surprise as he pulled her to the side and moved her in through a door he opened. He quickly followed her in and closed the door before she could protest. When the door closed to the small, compressed room it became clothed in darkness. Emma could hardly see her own hands in front of her.

Emma moved backwards a step and tripped over a crate of some sort. Jay, more accustomed to seeing in the dark, reached out and steadied her. She waited until she had firm footing before shrugging him off. "Jay, what are you doing!"

Jay moved his hand around him before stopping. Emma heard the firm sound of a click before the light switched on. Jay was suddenly in the light, a smirk on his face. "Thought we could use some privacy."

"Privacy? Why would we need privacy?"

"So ya don't go things up royally, Nelson. Or did you forget that the little temper tantrum you were itchin' to have would have been seen by everyone with eyeballs? Huh?"

Emma shook her head. "You're unbelievable, Jay."

"You wanna yell? Go ahead and yell. Didn't know Sean still had an effect on you."

"Sean doesn't…" Emma trailed off. "How did you know that-"

"I saw him heading your way. Figured he'd have a word or two with you." Jay laughed. "Ya know, Cameron's a pretty decent guy. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing being best friends with the chump." Jay searched Emma's face. "Did he warn you away? Tell you to beware the big bad wolf?"

"It's none of your business."

"Fine. Just remember… We have a deal."

"I remember, Jay!"

"Alright. Long as we're clear. Oh, and…" Jay lifted his hands up to her hair and twirled the pieces around.

"Jay, what," she swatted his hands away, "are you doing?" Emma indignantly patted her hair down, using her fingers to try to comb it into better shape.

"Not too bad," Jay said, admiring his work. "Don't fix it up too much."

Emma stopped trying to fix the damage to her hair. "Why is that?"

"It'll spoil the effect of you having make-out hair," Jay said with a smirk.

"Excuse me?"

"When you walk out of here everyone who didn't see us duck into the closet is going to see us come out. And they'll tell everyone about your new hair do. Gotta love the grapevine, huh?"

"You're a pig."

"Yeah. I am. Now, wait a minute before following me out. " Jay went to open the closet door but stopped. His back was still to her as he said, "Oh, yeah. I'm giving you a ride to school now. See you tomorrow morning."

Emma sighed, not in despair but with sheer frustration. Jay opened the door and turned to give her a backwards glance. He stared at her for a second before reaching up and switching off the light. The door closed shut behind him, leaving Emma standing in the dark.

Back in her room Emma felt a cold chase up her spine and seep into her bones. She shook herself out of her thoughts and cuddled closer into the blankets. She willed the day to fade away and for the night to bid her some small semblance of peace. Somewhere into the hours of that night her swirling mind finally allowed her tired body to fall into a deep sleep.

_**Day 2, Week 1**_

The next morning the alarm clock buzzed through Emma's room loud and obtrusively. Emma moved beneath the covers of her bed, making small grumbling noises. She reached out a hand from underneath the corner of the blankets to hit the snooze button but only succeeded in making it fall off the table and slam onto the floor. Unfortunately, Emma decided, it didn't break. Instead it simply continued to sound throughout the room from its place on the floor.

Emma made one more frustrated noise before tossing the blankets off and sitting up in bed. Her hair was knotted on top of her head and her eyes were heavy with sleep. Emma rubbed her face before slowly sliding her feet onto the floor of her room.

"Emma! EMMA! Hurry up so you don't miss breakfast!"

Emma made a grumbling noise before tossing off the blankets. She moved out of bed and began to get ready for the day, taking care not to rush too quickly. If

she timed it correctly she could be out the door without time to even stop and eat breakfast. From the smells wafting through her room from upstairs her mother had made buttermilk pancakes and bacon, a meal that use to be Emma's favorite.

"Can't Mom! My ride's here!"

"Ride? Emma, who is giving you…"

Emma closed the door behind her, cutting off the rest of her mother's words. She felt her stomach drop as she made her way to Jay's car but forced herself to remain calm. What did it matter that it was yet another day of pretending? Wasn't she use to it all by now?

She slid into the passengers side and her manners forced her to acknowledge him. "Hey."

He turned his face to look at her and smirked. "Hungry?"

Emma's face wrinkled as she shook her head. "I already ate."

"Ya know, Nelson, for someone with so many morals you lie a lot." Jay fished something out of his pocket before tossing it at her.

The package hit Emma's collar bone and then rolled down to her lap. The words 'Multigrain Bar' were printed in white on the shiny green packaging.

"Don't want you passing out." Emma gave him a look and a calculating smile came over his face. "Everyone finds out you're a headcase, what do I got over you?."

"Gee, thanks for the concern," Emma bit out, picking up the breakfast bar and turning it over to read the nutritional facts. She knew them like her own name but she still read them, just in case.

Jay started up the car and she caught him staring at her out of the corner of his eye as she inspected the nutritional facts.. "Jesus, you really are far gone," he mumbled under his breath as they pulled away.

Emma huffed, sitting back with the bar in her hands as Jay turned up the rock music. The car ride continued in silence after that and Emma used the unopened breakfast bar to entertain herself. She tossed it in between her hands lightly and in intervals tapped it to the music against her knee.

Emma tried to fall into her own world but instead remained ever present on the male in the driver's side. She was thankful it was a short ride and that he wasn't going to even bother trying to have a conversation with her.

"So, how long?" Jay said suddenly, cutting through the vibrating music and startling Emma.

_So much for him not trying to have a conversation_, Emma thought in frustration.

She turned eyes full of bewilderment toward Jay, her eyes narrowing. "What?" she said too loudly, overly compensating for the music.

Jay said something under his breath before reaching over and turning down the volume dial. The music became a soft hush in the background, seeming to leave even more space between them.

"How long have you… ya know?" Jay asked again, shooting Emma a quick sideways glance.

Emma felt her throat go dry. She didn't want to have this conversation with him, with anybody. Besides, there was no 'ya know'. Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone. "I don't know what you're talking about," she finally said.

"You're gonna play it like that, huh?"

"Like what?" Emma said sharply. The next words were each said with careful distinction and emphasis. "There's nothing wrong with me."

"MMM'K. Fine," Jay finally said after a beat. But then he looked down at her lap where the breakfast bar still lay clenched in one hand, unopened and uneaten. Emma's cheeks flushed under his scrutinizing eyes but all he said was, "Whatever you say."

Jay had apparently lost interest at that point because he reached out again and turned the music back up. This time the loud, pounding music filled the car louder than before. Emma wanted to put her hands over her ears and crouch in a corner but instead she swallowed and sucked it up. It was better than having to say anything more to him.

When they pulled up to the school and parked Emma felt her stomach bottom out and nausea rush to the top. For the first time that morning Emma wished she had eaten at least a little something; it would have fought the nausea a bit.

"Ready, _princess_?" Jay asked with the same edge to his words that was always there. The one that proved he did not care about anyone or anything in the world.

Emma opened the car door and slid out. She felt the ground tip underneath her feet and forcing herself to steady. She had gone through this before and the spells would fade off eventually. She closed her eyes briefly, hoping the wave would pass. When she opened her eyes again she found Jay standing on the other side of the car. He was watching her with critical eyes, a serious expression marring his face for once.

At least Emma believed it had been serious but just as soon as she looked at him it turned to the ever familiar smirk. Emma blinked, deciding the light had been playing tricks. She walked over to the other side of the car, taking slow and firm steps. Her sense of balance was off and it was an effort not to lean toward one side, but she had done this before. She was a mini-pro at moving past this lightheaded feelings and the nausea swirling in her stomach.

As she reached Jay's side his arm curled around her shoulders and for once she was grateful. She wrapped her own arm around his lower back and allowed herself the shamefulness of leaning into Jay for needed support. Jay stiffened before relaxing. She could feel his gaze on her as they begin to walk but she kept her face looking straightforward.

Jay kept his pace at a steady and slow one, for which she was more than grateful. She wasn't delusion enough to believe he was doing that for her benefit. It probably had more to do with giving them more exposure to the outside crowd. But she was still thankful.

The faces they passed were all a blur to her and the whispers they caused in their wake were drowned out by the pounding in her ears. She had the brief, passing thought that wondered if the person who had told Ms. Sauve was among the crowd. But it got swept in with the swirl of the rest of her thoughts, forgotten and buried.

By the time they entered through school entrance Emma was clutching tightly to Jay's side. The nails on the hand laying near his stomach were digging into the flesh under Jay's shirt. Jay said nothing but she was surprised to feel him shift his arm so that he offered her more support.

_Right_, she though. _Wouldn't want me toppling over in front of everyone_.

The dizziness was beginning to pass as they worked their way through her hallway and to her locker. As they made the turn to the set of lockers where Emma's was located they passed by Alex, Ellie by her side. Ellie seemed passive to the situation, her only concern that for her friend. But Alex's eyes breathed fire and a promise of retribution. Through the haze Alex looked like a demon with glowing eyes and fanged teeth. Emma felt a small shudder go through her even though she fought to push it down.

"Don't start lookin' to her with concern," she heard Jay say to her from what seemed light years away. "You flattened her last time. Remember?"

The words seemed to break through the fog surrounding Emma and she slowly glided back to the present. Emma felt at the same time the nausea in her stomach fading.

They stopped at her locker and Emma moved out of Jay's arms, surprised to feel her fingertips ease out of Jay's side as she removed her arm from around him. Emma looked at Jay's stomach with surprise and slight horror. She felt an apology brimming at her throat but stuffed it down. Why should she apologize to him? He deserved whatever he got from this mess.

"Was that so bad, Nelson?" Jay asked, already knowing just how much she had hated every moment of it.

"You're despicable and disgusting," she spat out at him, making sure to keep her voice hushed.

"Aww, baby…" He laughed, an actual twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "You always say the sweetest things."

"Go to hell!"

"You first, Nelson." Jay lifted up her chin and Emma became fearful that he was about to kiss her. But he only cupped her face before letting his arm drop at his side. "See ya later."

As Jay walked down the halls, leaving in his wake the questioning faces of their classmates, Emma could already see the journal entry that night.

Emma could already see the journal entry she would make that night.

_Dear Scum of the Earth,_

_I hope you die._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Executioner. _


	5. Chapter Five: Miss Perfect II

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Boo-yah.

I enjoyed writing this chapter. I want to keep the smaller chapters of the previous installments in this story. This chapter became so massive that it was split into two chapters in order to accomplish this.

A/N: Please take note of the fact that this picks up right where chapter four cut off. Enjoy!

_**Emma:**_

**Day 8, Week 2**

The sound of a loud car horn jarred Emma out of her thoughts. She grabbed her backpack and raced up the steps to the kitchen. Opening the door she found her mother was sitting at the table feeding Jack.

Spike's disapproving face turned to Emma, shaking her head. "You missed breakfast, Em."

Emma felt a twinge of guilt at the worry she saw cross her mother's face.

_See, look what you do to people…_

Emma forced a big smile and walked over to Jack, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Mom worries too much, right Jack?"

Jack made a sloppy 'yes' sound, giggling happily. Emma had the brief thought that she wished everyone could remain that innocent.

"Right. My teenage daughter, who by right should be a garbage dispenser, never eats. And I worry too much," Spike cut in, her face starting to get _that _look Emma was starting to dread. Her mother was quickly moving from disapproval to concern.

Turning to her mother she laid a kiss on her cheek. "Sorry, Mom. I just can't seem to get myself moving in the mornings."

"You use to be able to," Spike pointed out, a heavy frown marring her face.

Emma shrugged, offering nothing else to her mother. Spike had deep concern shining in her eyes and Emma could sense the well of worry rising from inside of her. Emma also knew that face and knew the feel of intense worry in the air. She also knew the inevitable question.

"Is everything alright, Em?" the question finally came from Spike's mouth, floating into Emma's ears but leaving no real imprint.

_There was nothing to be worried about._

Yet the right words seemed to clog in Emma's throat despite how she tried to force them out. Spike's face was tight as she waited for an answer, _any_ answer.

The horn sounded impatiently and Emma shrugged again. "I have to run, Mom."

Another, separate look floated over Spike's face at this. "And you still haven't mentioned who this mystery ride is. I think it's great that you've been able to get a ride in with the early morning hours Snake is keeping, Em. But I need to know who the person is who is hauling my only daughter off every day."

"Just a friend," _yeah right_, "don't worry."

"It's my job to worry because I love you," Spike said simply.

"Don't". Emma dropped another kiss on her mother's cheek then made a show of grabbing a paper towel. She picked up two pieces of french toast off the plate on the table, wrapping them in the paper towel. She held up the bundle, waving it around. "I'll eat on the way, okay?"

Her mother cracked a small smile. "Alright," she said, her relief clear in the tone of her voice. "Have a good day at school. Tell Snake when you seem him to not work too late. All of these early mornings and late afternoons can't be good for him."

Emma stopped at the door and looked at her mother one last time. "Don't-"

"Worry. I know, I know." Spike tossed her hands up in the air then smiled softly at Emma.

Emma saw an indistinguishable expression pass over her mother's face and Emma took that as her cue to hurry out the door. Spike was a step behind, however, and her mother's voiced called out just as Emma's hand reached the door knob.

"Em! Wait…" Spike moved toward Emma, coming to stand next to her in front of the door. "I'm just going to meet your friend… Okay?"

The 'okay' was only tacked onto the end. Emma knew what her mother really meant was she was coming outside with her and that was that. Emma had the absurd urge to sigh and go, "Nelson women", but realized she'd be insulting herself.

Emma went out the door to see Jay's car looming in front of her. Jay had the window rolled all the way down and his arm lay hanging out of it lazily. The fingers of his hand tapped against the orange painted metal in an impatient rhythm. Jay made a face when he saw Emma.

"What took you so long?" Jay said, the annoyance clear in his voice.

"Sorry," she mumbled, not really all that apologetic. "Mom held me up," Emma said as she walked closer to the car, her mother trailing behind her anxiously.

Emma saw the exact moment that Jay noticed her mother because his entire demeanor changed in a split second. A look of obvious detest flashed across his face before it got pulled underneath a more polite, relaxed mask. A plastic smile spread across his face as he called out pleasantly, "Mrs. Simpson! What a lovely morning, don't you think?"

Spike came to a stop in front of the driver's side, her eyes inspecting the car like she expected it to sprout claws and devour Emma alive the moment she stepped inside. When her eyes finally moved to Jay she looked even more certain of this fact.

"Mrs. _Nelson_, actually," Spike said easily as Emma slid into the passenger's side and closed the door.

Spike caught Emma's eyes for a split second as Emma adjusted her seatbelt before focusing back on Jay.

"Right, right," Jay said, as though that made perfect sense. Emma could just imagine the wheels in his head turning, deciding what had made Emma into Emma in the first place.

"May I ask who you might be? The only thing I can drag out of Emma here is that you're a friend from school."

Spike was in full detective mode now. Emma could tell she was searching for something, anything more substantial than what she had been given.

Jay continued to smile brightly and said in an even tone, "The name's Jay, Mam. And I'm happy to give your daughter a ride to school. She's been helping me out recently with some things.."

"Is she really?" Spike smiled, calming a bit. Then she glanced at Emma with a small frown, "This girl right here won't tell me anything. I don't think the CIA could pry information out of her. Is she helping you out with your school work?"

"Yes, something like that, Mrs. Nelson."

Emma cast a wondering glance at Jay, who had apparently been kidnapped by aliens and impregnated with their alien spawn. Perhaps the hormones being generated from carrying said alien spawn was making him act like he was a normal person with a heart and everything.

"Please, call me Christine."

Emma blinked. Had her mother really just slapped down the, 'Call me Christine' card to Jay Hogart?

"Alright," Jay said in a sickeningly sweet voice. She knew if he could have gotten away with it he would have smirked at Emma in triumph. "_Christine_."

"Thank you for bringing her, Jay. You should come by sometime. I'm sure Emma would love to have you over."

Emma had to keep herself from slamming her head against a hard surface. Her mother was eating up the crap Jay was spewing out and now she was inviting him over to their house. Emma found herself wishing Snake was there. If he had been he might have been able to keep her mother from having the wool pulled over her eyes.

"I'm sure she'd love that, too." Jay tossed a glance at Emma and winked at her. To her mother he said, "We're going to be late if we don't head out, Christine."

"Right." Spike smiled, liking that Jay was concerned about getting to school on time. But then Emma caught a small glimmer of hope, an underlying lacing of steel in Spike's tone that let her know that her mother wasn't fully buying Jay's act. "It was nice to have met you, Jay."

"Same," Jay said, flashing one more smile before beginning to pull away from the curve.

"Have a good day a school, Em," her mother called out as they pulled away.

They weren't far down the road before Jay said, "Yeah, have a good day at school, _Em_."

Emma bit the inside of her lip. Jay had put a heavy level of mockery into that last word, making it sound like a mutation of a syllable instead of a nickname used by those who knew her the best. She decided in that instant she didn't want Jay to say her full name, her _real _name. She could only imagine how distorted and sardonic he would make it sound.

Emma felt the heaviness of the clutched paper towel at that moment. Not bothering to spare a glance at Jay she rolled down her window all the way. Then, without even a sigh she opened the paper towel and let the food fall to the ground. She then rolled the paper towel up in her hands in stuffed it in her pocket so she could dispose of it in a trash bin later.

She saw Jay's eyes shift toward her for a second before focusing back on the road. She waited for his biting comment but for once he didn't say anything. Instead he reached between them and turned the music on. The loud thumping of the bass filled the car, drowning out all possible conversation.

Emma didn't mind if she didn't have to talk to Jay. Sure, she would admit that conversation had become easier between them over the last couple of weeks. But it was still mostly hostile and biting with only short periods of peaceful conversation.

The world passed by through the window and Emma allowed it to, the mindless sensation of the shapes blending together strangely comforting. It was she that was moving past the world, not the other way around despite how it looked. It was so far from the reality of her life that she enjoyed knowing she was racing past the living world if only for a few minutes.

It was almost freeing and even the presence of Jay beside her could not take that from her.

Emma felt the car come to a sudden halt and was pulled out of her thoughts. She turned to the driver's side to find Jay's watchful eyes on her. Jay didn't have bad eyes. In fact, they were a calm blue that could almost shock with how very deep they appeared. Emma had long decided she hated his eyes because if she looked at them too long she forgot what a monster he was.

"Ready, Green Peace?" Jay said, but didn't wait for her answer. He opened his car door and swung out, the door slamming behind him.

Emma prepared herself for the stares before opening the passenger's side door and scooting out. She stood up to find Jay standing a couple of feet away from her, an impatient frown on his face.

"We don't have all day," he grumbled, slamming her car door. Without missing a beat he pulled her to his side and slung his arm around her shoulders.

Mechanically Emma wrapped her arm around his lower back, blinking through the shine of the sun toward the entrance to Degrassi. She saw a handful of students gawking as the two of them approached the school but most of them continued going about their business. In the last couple of weeks the thrill of seeing the unlikely couple had worn off.

It wasn't as though people didn't say things about Emma anymore or that they weren't watched closely. It just seemed as though their arrival at the school in the morning had slowly lost its edge. People had decided it was more interesting to watch them interact during lunch time or after school.

Emma was grateful that there was no longer the same fascination with their morning arrival. She would probably even be able to head to her locker with Jay by her side without too many stares.

It was a blessed change from that first frightful arrival to school together and Emma figured she had to be glad for small favors, right?

Even though the arrival to the school had been less bumpy than their first, as the day wore on Emma felt more and more like a spectacle. Curious, sometimes mocking eyes followed her wherever she went. If she just happened to be in Jay's presence people would literally stop to see what the "couple" would do. She felt like she was a sock puppet that was suppose to entertain the crowd as Jay, the all powerful puppet master, pulled her strings.

At least she was spared having to trudge through yet another painful lunch with Sean and Ellie again. Though Jay didn't say anything Sean and him must have been in the middle of a falling out. When Jay and Emma had gone to sit at the table where Sean and Ellie were sitting Sean had shot an angry glare at Jay before standing up and moving to another table. Ellie had given Emma an almost apologetic half-smile before heading after him.

Emma had been unsure how to react without a direct audience until Jay had pulled him down beside him. "Try to act like you're happy to just be with me, Nelson," he'd whispered.

It was then that Emma had taken a quick look around the cafeteria to find several sets of eyes watching them closely. Emma had sighed before settling into her seat.

She had picked at her food, ever aware that Sean's gaze kept wandering over to her from where he was not seated, and had then gotten up to go to the bathroom halfway through the lunch period. She made sure she killed a good ten minutes before coming back to a few sets of questioning eyes that followed her through the cafeteria as she made her way back to Jay. She had ignored them, and him, and played up a little couple talk to take the heat off of specifically her. Any interest in her would automatically be overshadowed by the interest in her and Jay as a couple. Emma, as much as she despised the show, had learned to use this to her advantage. Her bird-like eating habits had earned her a harsh verbal jab from Jay as they exited the lunch room but she tried to shrug if off.

A period later she bumped into Alex while walking to class. Alex had looked like she would rip Emma's hair out strand by strand, maliciously laughing as she did. Alex had cussed at her to watch where she was going and probably would have done more if Ms. Kwan hadn't come out of her classroom with a raised eyebrow and a stern expression. Still, the small confrontation left a chill in Emma.

By the time it was the second to last period Emma felt exhausted and asked to be excused. She made her way to the bathroom, feeling the weariness in her entire being. She walked over to the sink and leaned against it, feeling her weight press down on the porcelain.

_I'm so tired_, Emma thought as she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her skin looked pale, sallow even. Had her eyes always appeared so sunken in, the rings under her eyes so big and looming?

_What did you expect, you always look like crap..._

Always, the thoughts found there way to her. Emma closed her eyes for a moment, working her way backwards in her mind. She needed to find that place, that one where thoughts didn't stir for just a moment. But her mind was clogged and all she saw was a crunch of numbers. Grams and calories filled her mind, making her head feel heavy and causing Emma to wearily reopen her eyes.

Solace was not hers any longer. Inside that room, with bright fluorescent lighting that highlighted her every flaw, she was locked in with herself. Outside, within the bustling hallways, there were prying eyes and gossiping voices. Inside, outside... It made no difference. Both were draining her, asking too much of her.

_Jay knows how pathetic you really are..._

Jay. Just the name made Emma want to curl up into a ball and cry. For months she's felt that eyes have followed her wherever she went. Now, with there little spectacle, it was only worse. Much worse. What had he said, again?

_"They need to believe we're sleeping together."_

Well, Emma wasn't so sure she'd go that far just yet. People were still trying to process that they were "together". But, in a week or so... This was going to kill her reputation. But not as much as other things would.

She just needed to keep telling herself that.

The door opened and Emma turned her head to see a belly button baring Manny waltzing in. Manny's eyes only registered a brief second of surprise before becoming composed again.

"Em. Hey," Manny said, plopping her make-up bag onto the counter of one of the sinks lining the bathroom wall.

"Hey Manny," Emma said quietly, smiling a little.

Manny eyed her with interest, casting a glance over Emma with a critical eye. _Vulture_, Emma thought. _One more person looking for dirt to feed the machine with_.

"So, what's up?" Manny said casually, turning away and beginning to apply more lip gloss to her already glistening mouth.

What was Emma suppose to say to that? _"My life is falling apart. No one, including you, really talks to me. Jay is blackmailing me into pretending to date him. I'm so miserable right now I could scream. Oh, and by the way, did you say anything to Ms. Sauve about me?"_

Yeah, ah huh. That would go over well. She could hardly tell Manny what she got on her recent math test. She wasn't about to go blurting out everything.

Emma shrugged and simply said, "Nothing."

Manny rolled her eyes. "Right. Cause you and Jay Hogart is _nothing_." Manny put her lip gloss back in her bag and turned to look at Emma. "I mean, Jay? He's like a complete psycho. What are you doing, Em?"

Emma always felt sick when Manny did that, dropping into old habits_. 'Em'. _There that word was again, this time without the implied mockery. Emma found herself wishing Manny had said it the other way instead of in that tone that suggested she had a right to that small nickname. It was a simple, abbreviated term used to address her. One small, cut down syllable. But it implied so much. It said there was familiarity between them when there was none. It made her mind, for a brief second, think Manny had a right to be standing there asking her questions like they were still good ol' Emma and Manny.

Emma had to bite her tongue to keep from agreeing with her one-time best friend. Jay _was_ a complete psycho. He was blackmailing her, she should know. But she couldn't let that slip out. She needed to appear to be the "girlfriend". If people didn't buy that they were dating then Jay might call the whole thing off.

If he did that, she knew he would tell just to spite her.

"He isn't a psycho, okay? You don't even know him so back off," Emma said finally, grabbing her book off the counter.

"Whoa, Emma..." Manny said, with a disbelieving laugh. "So, this isn't some big misunderstanding. It's true?"

Emma moved toward the door, not looking back at Manny. "As true as everything else is," she replied as she went out the door.

When the bell signally the end of the school day sounded Emma found herself rushing out the door. She was tired of the charade for the day and she needed to go home. She felt like she hadn't gotten a breath in since the morning and that she wouldn't until she was away from Degrassi.

She turned the corner of the hallway only to find Sean Cameron standing a few feet away from her locker. Emma shook her head, not believing the nerve he seemed to have. Didn't he get she didn't want anything to do with him? It was long past the point where she wanted him in her life.

She felt a surge of anger well up in her as she slowly began to move toward her locker.Who did Sean Cameron think he was? _Really_.

Every corner she turned there he was, watching her. Whenever Jay even swayed in her general direction there he was, watching her. All the time, whenever it seemed to be humanly possible for him. He wasn't even watching her in _that _way. He reminded her of her mother that time she had gone on her first roller coaster, all eagle eyed and detective like. She was starting to feel like a naughty two year old that needed bells put on their shoes to keep them from wandering off too far.

It had been one week since that first disaster of a lunch, where Jay had practically bullied and pushed her into every smile and every syllable that came out of her mouth.

Stupid, interfering, insufferable, egomaniac...JERK. Emma had never met anyone so infuriating in her entire life. Wait, correct that. Okay, so Jay had officially moved passed Sean in that category. Sean might have been a pain, but Jay was just a plain, old jackass.

Yes, Emma Nelson considered him a _jackass_. She went around calling him that in her head. Oh, hey _jackass_. No, I don't want to pretend to be your girlfriend, _jackass_. Yes, the sight of you really does make me sick, _jackass_.

Emma couldn't remember a time she had sworn so much or so frequently. Well, if swearing in her head counted. She was thinking it did just because she was doing it so often. The only reason she wasn't saying it out loud was because of her fear that it would set Jay off and he'd go spilling what he thought he knew.

As Emma got closer to her locker Sean backed away and turned down the other corner, but she was sure he hadn't gone far. He never seemed to go that far from her nowadays.

Emma felt a pang in her heart and wondered why it had to be now that he was so interested in her. He had a girlfriend whom he seemed to love and she was so broken - No, she wasn't broken. Emma refused to be broken. She just wasn't the same Emma anymore and it was long past the point where Sean Cameron could bring the old Emma back.

Didn't he see she didn't want to disappoint him? He would want that lightness, that sweetness. But it no longer existed in her. Like all things it got swallowed up by time and experience. She couldn't be that girl and stay in one piece anymore. That girl had worn her heart on her sleeve and Sean had crushed it between his self-centered hands.

No, she couldn't be that old Emma. Sean should stop trying to protect someone who no longer was around for him to save. He was too many months late and she was too far gone.

Emma shook thoughts of Sean out of her head as she threw a few books into her backpack. As she was closing her locker she felt relief that Jay hadn't stumbled into her hallway yet. He usually came by, walked her to his car, and then drove her home. It made for a better _show_, of course.

Feeling slightly giddy at his absence Emma began to move down the hallway. She turned the corner and smiled as she saw the gleaming exit doors of the school. She was so caught in the lightness of the moment that it took her a minute to realize a male voice was calling her name.

She stopped and turned around to find Jay working his way toward her. Emma made a quick decision and resumed her walking, not looking back at Jay. He continued to call her name but Emma didn't slow down. However, his strides were longer than hers and he caught up with her halfway to the door.

"Yo, are you deaf?" Jay said as he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

Emma rolled her eyes and pulled her arm back. "No. But having to listen to you talk usually makes me wish I was."

The side of Jay's face twitched and his gaze hardened. The startling blue became an icy gray. He dipped his voice low, leaning in close to her as he said, "Nelson, what the fuck are you doing?"

Emma smiled to herself, saying back to Jay in a quiet voice, "Hey, you aren't a couple till you've had a totally public fight."

Jay's face looked confused but before he could say anything Emma was pulling away from him and moving down the halls toward the doors again. "Nelson! NELSON!"

Over her shoulder, and loud enough for the entire hallway to here, Emma yelled back, "Go to hell, _jackass_!"

As the exit doors closed behind her she felt better than she had in over a week. She knew she'd hear about it from Jay later but for now she didn't care. Emma began the trek to her house with a smile on her face.

She had kept a slip of her pride today.


	6. Chapter Six: Miss Dysfunctional

-1Thanks to all of the feedback. I really appreciate it and hopefully I'll find the time to respond to all of you.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides the story idea, which really belongs to the creators of Degrassi… Since all fan fiction is the rightful property of the people who own the thing is it based on. But if you steal my ideal or plagiarize me I'm still going to bitch you out hardcore. So don't, okay?

_She was beautiful  
The prettiest girl I've ever seen  
I saw everything  
Things I hoped I'd never see_

_ Snow Patrol, 'Last Shot Ringing In My Ears_

**Ellie:**

"_Eleanor Nash, please report to Ms. Sauve's office. Eleanor Nash."_

_I hate that name, _Ellie thought to herself.

Ellie looked up from her book to stare at the intercom with a raised eyebrow then turned to her teacher with a questioning glance. It was just study hall, but Ellie wouldn't mind if she didn't have to move just yet. She was rather comfortable even if her leg was falling asleep on her. Besides, she figured Ms. Sauve just wanted to touch base after Ellie forgot to leave a message that she would miss their morning appointment.

"You may go, Ellie," Mr. Wilco said, nodding his consent.

Ellie sighed and stood up, gathering her things and cursing to herself as her foot bent at an old angle. All the blood was rushing into place and apparently her leg couldn't handle that. She shot Ashley a glance as she hobbled awkwardly out of the classroom, shuffling her half useless leg against the floor to try and wake it up.

She was barely out the door when feeling settled fully into her leg again and she could walk without the slant to one side. She made it down the hall to Ms. Sauve's office and saw that her door was closed. She probably had an appointment that had gone over or possibly an emergency. It didn't bother Ellie too much and she took a seat on the bench by Ms. Sauve's door.

Somehow she found her mind pulling back to a fleeting thought she'd had right after she'd been called. _'Eleanor Nash, please report to Ms. Sauve's office. Eleanor Nash.' _

Ellie hated the name Eleanor. Not in how it applied to the general population of 'Eleanor' named individuals but in how it applied to herself. She had never felt much like an 'Eleanor' despite what her birth certificate said in bold, times new roman letters next to the space for 'Name'. Eleanor felt too foreign to her, like it was someone else's name in someone else's life. She liked how Ellie sounded, with the firm beginning flowing into the lilting and drawn out 'eee' sound at the end. She liked how it sounded coming out of Sean's mouth, all soft and like satin. She doubted he could make Eleanor sound the same way.

She just felt like Ellie fit her, somehow. Unlike Eleanor, which always felt like someone was stamping her with false certification for something. Lately Eleanor had started to seem symbolic for all the things her mother thought were wrong with her… It was, 'Eleanor, don't cry. You'll smudge your mascara all over your face', and 'Do try to act like a lady, Eleanor', or, 'Must you always wear black, Eleanor. It washes your skin out'.

Ellie heard the sound of Ms. Sauve's door opening up, a student coming out then moving down the hallway. Ellie stood up and made her way toward Ms. Sauve, who was standing in the doorway smiling at Ellie.

"Hello, Ellie," Ms. Sauve greeted.

There is was, that refreshing name that belonged to her, the _real_ her. People that knew her, really knew her, never called her Eleanor. Only people like her mother who wanted to believe they knew her ever put that stupid, incorrect 'Eleanor' stamp on her forehead. People like those whose job it was to call the students over the intercom at school or those that called her name off of an 'official' list. Her transcript read 'Eleanor Nash' but her life? Her life was listed underneath 'Ellie Nash'.

Ellie moved into Ms. Sauve's office with a small smile on her mouth. "Hi. Sorry I missed this morning. I meant to leave a message but I forgot…"

Ms. Sauve sat down in her chair and, out of habit, Ellie sat in the chair across from her. "That's fine. Is everything okay?"

Ellie shook her head in the affirmative, offering another tiny smile. "Yeah, I just had a dentist appointment. Kind of a surprise. My mom doesn't like me to know beforehand." Ms. Sauve raised a questioning eyebrow. "I'll ditch them otherwise," Ellie explained, to which Ms. Sauve nodded. "I'm really sorry that I didn't call."

"It's perfectly fine. I'm just glad you're alright. Would you like to reschedule for tomorrow?"

"How about today?" Ellie asked. "I'm afterschool today anyway."

"Oh," Ms.Sauve perked up with what Ellie could only call excitement. "Did you join a school club, Ellie?"

Ellie would have laughed but she respected Ms. Sauve to do that. "No. Not ready for the school spirit wagon just yet." Ms. Sauve's face dropped and Ellie rushed to add, "I have to do some research in the library. Then, I'm waiting for Sean to get out of doing a retake exam."

Ms. Sauve's face brightened again, being just as delighted about this as she was at the prospect of Ellie joining a club. "Oh, well that's really nice, Ellie. I'm very glad that you have Sean."

Ellie's smile widened. Ms. Sauve really was happy for Ellie that she had Sean. It was refreshing to know someone who genuinely cared about other people. "So, what about right after school… 3:30? I'm suppose to meet Sean at 4:30."

"Is that enough time to finish up in the library?"

"It should be."

"Alright. 3:30 afterschool is fine," Ms. Sauve said, checking her schedule. "Just come by when you're done in the library."

"Sounds great."

"Great." Ms. Sauve stood up and moved to the door. She opened it up before saying, "I'll see you later, Ellie."

_Wait, what? _Ellie thought to herself in confusion. _That was it? Didn't Ms. Sauve want to talk about something else? She must…_

Ellie licked her lips then put forward the question. "Ms. Sauve, did you - ," Ellie stopped, trying to think how to phrase it. She started again, "Have you… helped Emma Nelson? Is she seeing you?"

Ms. Sauve closed the door again, coming to sit in front of Ellie. "I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you, Ellie. It's confidential, " Ms. Sauve said sympathetically. "But thank you. Not many people take the time to do what you did."

"So, you did talk to her, then?" Ellie said out loud, though it was more of a statement than a question. If it was 'confidential' that meant there had been a talk. Which was good. Ellie really hoped that Ms. Sauve could help out Emma in some way.

From the looks of it Emma needed a bit of intervention, even in the form of her boyfriend's current girlfriend.

"It was really brave of you to come forward, Ellie," Ms. Sauve said in answer, smiling. "It can be hard to go to an authority figure, especially when a friend is involved."

Friend? Emma Nelson wasn't her friend. She was _the_ ex-girlfriend. She was, as some girls would say, the enemy. Two capitals, probably with an exclamation point. So, she was really more like The Enemy! How should Ellie know? She'd never really followed girl code before Sean. There was just something about her feelings for him that turned her into every other stereotypical girl in the world.

Didn't Ms. Sauve see that? She was continuing to go on and on about being brave but this wasn't a brave act. This didn't come from some true or noble place. Didn't Ms. Sauve understand the truth? Ellie sure remembered it and for that matter so did Eleanor Nash.

It was because she had been jealous. Desperately, pathetically jealous of Emma Nelson and all her goddamn blonde hair and perfect, now brace free smile. So incredibly jealous that she had become some type of visual stalker when it came to Emma Nelson.

But, she wasn't going to feel bad about that part. She wouldn't. Maybe the part about Ms. Sauve thinking Ellie was a good person because she didn't know all the facts. But not about feeling threatened by Emma because she hadn't been by any extreme amount.

Or, at least, Ellie hadn't been threatened by Emma anymore than any girl with a brain would justifiably be. Especially if Emma was the boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. _The_ ex-girlfriend he had a very publicly rocky and heated history with that the gossip hounds still seemed to love discussing. The very Emma that was a part of _the _Emma and Sean., Degrassi's notorious couple that were known for their fiery break-ups that came with epic worthy reunions.

Besides, how could someone not be intimidated by a girl like Emma Nelson? She'd always been pretty, if a bit awkward. But more than that she was so damn sure of herself and what she thought. Ellie had always pitied someone who went bat to bat with Emma because she knew the tenacious blonde was most likely to come out victorious.

No, Ellie Nash would not feel guilty for having felt threatened by Sean's history with his blonde ex-girlfriend. Maybe _Eleanor Nash _would have found it in herself to feel guilty but **not** _Ellie Nash_. Not when that same ex-girlfriend, who was already a force to be reckoned with, transformed between her freshman and sophomore year into a gorgeous, goddess-like creature. She had eyes, didn't she? How was she suppose to miss that Emma had become some horribly model like man eating she-beast.

Okay, maybe less so a she-beast. But she could be if she wanted to and that was the point. Not that Ellie put too much stock in looks. She knew they were usually deceiving and they weren't to be trusted too often. But she also knew that most guys, despite their many redeeming qualities, had the tendency to be incredibly shallow when the mood suited them. Not that Sean was all that shallow. If he was he wouldn't be seriously dating a girl whose favorite fashion accessory was arm warmers. But, damnit, he had eyeballs too.

Ms. Sauve was still talking but all Ellie could think about was Emma Nelson and why she'd been so threatened by her.

Ellie had supposed there was a rule against being _too_ fascinated with your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Maybe it pushed her past the 'jealous girlfriend' category and made her a jealous freak. Or one of those pathetically clingy girls. Maybe she was all of those things: a jealous, pathetically clingy freak of a girl.

But she couldn't have stopped if she had tried.

It wasn't cause she though she could lose Sean, she decided somewhere along the way. She _had_ Sean and she wasn't worried about her and Sean. No, somewhere along the way it became about something else. Something she was trying to figure out about Emma that she just couldn't. It was there, _right there_, but she never quite was able to put it into perspective.

_She's so pretty_, she would think as she watched Emma. All she saw was flawless, tanned skin that encompassed a firm body. She was pristine and glowing and perky. And blonde. So damn blonde.

Emma Nelson was all the things Ellie Nash had never been, would never be, and was pretty sure she never wanted to be. She was a parent's pride and joy, a teacher's pet, and a teenage boy's fantasy.

Like she had rationalized time and time before any girl would have to be an idiot not to be intimidated or jealous by someone like Emma. She was the type of girl guys wrote bad songs over.

She was _perfect_. She had a beautiful inside to match her outside. Didn't she?

So Ellie waited. She kept waiting for a telling tick. Or a thread to be out of place, one of those dangling strings on a sweater or a pair of pants. But all she ever saw was pearly white teeth and confidence. Overwhelming, suffocating confidence.

Then, it happened one day at lunch. That strange, and now seemingly inevitable, shift where Emma moved from an impenetrable saint to a commoner like the rest of them. As Emma took a bite of her veggie burger Ellie watched in amazement as a pickle slid out from between the sesame seed bread and plopped onto Emma's lap. Ellie nodded absentmindedly as Ashley said something, but continued to watch as Emma's eyes trailed down to her skirt. She watched as dainty, yet roughened, fingers scooped it up into a napkin. Emma then excused herself and left the lunchroom.

For the rest of the day a green and yellow smudge remained on the bottom of Emma's jean skirt. A display of imperfection. A simple, human display of messy imperfection.

Ellie wasn't sure why but on that day she stopped being so intimidated by Emma Nelson. Goddesses don't have pickles fall out of their sandwiches and onto their laps. They don't walk around with a stain on their clothing for the rest of the day, either.

Emma was just as human as everyone else. Sometimes Ellie felt like she was the only one who truly saw that. Maybe that was why she noticed when no one else did.

Ellie refused to believe that during that time she was trying to find out how to compete with all of that blonde, tanned beauty; beauty that was attached to the very person who shared a history with her boyfriend. But Ellie was wondering what she had that could match all of that?

Then she started to pick up things. Small, nearly unnoticeable things. Like how Emma never really ate her food but instead she just pushed it around her plate a lot. Sometimes she took a few bites but mostly it just sat there being shoved around by her fork or spoon. Whenever a few pieces of food would stumble into her mouth it was because someone she was sitting with was looking at her closely, as if something was off. Her friends seemed to be right on that edge of knowing, deep, that something was very wrong but still hindered by the view of her that would never really fade. Ellie got the feeling that they would always see Emma as a girl who might not even exist anymore.

Emma also never stayed for a full lunch period. It was… strange. It almost started to feel like the girl was trying to kill off minutes so she could spend less time eating lunch. How many people wanted a shorter time to eat their lunch?

Ellie didn't see much of Emma outside of lunch, either, which probably had a lot to do with the amount of time Ellie spent being fascinated by Emma's non-eating habits. They didn't have the same classes on account of Ellie being a grade ahead and the only person they shared in common was Ellie's boyfriend. Even if Emma and Sean had ended on a less everything-has-gone-to-hell note Ellie didn't want Emma around Sean. She wasn't being possessive there, just reasonable. What girlfriend in their right mind wanted the ex-girlfriend paling around with their boyfriend? A girlfriend that wanted to be left in the dust following a joyful reunion between the ex-lovebirds, that's what type.

But what was Ellie to do? She didn't know much of anything concerning that area and it wasn't as though she could just make some sort of topsy-turvy assessment. Until Ms. Sauve had left her alone in the guidance office to take a phone call at the main office. Ellie had gotten bored then noticed a pamphlet on the topic of Eating Disorders sitting on Ms. Sauve's desk. She had d innocently picked it up, just looking for something to kill time. But as she scanned the section under 'symptoms and signs' she felt a chill go through her.

They had Emma stamped on so many of them and everything had started to clicked. At first Ellie felt the urge to just toss the pamphlet aside and pretend she hadn't made some type of important discover. Why was it her problem, anyway? Emma was a big girl and could handle herself. But the scars underneath her arm covers reminded her differently. Hadn't she believed the same thing before Paige had stuck her nose in where it didn't belong and… saved her?

Paige had stepped in when Ellie had basically told her to go to hell. Maybe it was time she returned to favor to the universe, just to balance out the karma or whatever. Emma wouldn't even have to know.

When Ms. Sauve had come back into the office Ellie had burst out with the information, babbling on and on until Ms.Sauve's eyebrows furrowed in worry and she sighed deeply. Ms. Sauve always took every students problem like a person failure, as though she could have seen the problem before it would occur and swoop in to save the student before they even realized they needed help.

Ms. Sauve had asked Ellie a lot of questions, saying that word she had just said to her over and over again when referencing Emma: _friend_. 'What else have you noticed about your friend, Ellie?' or 'Do you think you could try talking to your friend?' Ellie had already told her who it was but she persisted in calling Emma her friend.

Ellie had almost corrected her near the end but realized Ms. Sauve was right. Maybe she didn't go over to Emma's and do facials and pedicures or whatever it was Emma got a kick doing. But she was helping her out and whether she liked it or not it made Ellie a sort of friend to Emma.

At least that one time.

"Ellie… Ellie?"

Ellie pulled herself out of her thoughts to see Ms. Sauve looking at her with concern. Ellie licked her lips. "Sorry, Ms. Sauve."

"Are you alright, Ellie?"

Ellie smiled softly, shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm fine… I'm just concerned about…"

A shadow passed across Ms. Sauve's face, one that was pretty brief. If Ellie hadn't been so busy recently picking apart Sean and Emma's small movements she probably would have missed it. But Ellie's skills had been honed and she caught it right away. Ms. Sauve was worried about Emma, too.

That didn't bode well at all. What if Emma had turned a deaf ear to Ms. Sauve's offer to help? What could Ms. Sauve really do, then?

"Ms. Sauve…" Ellie began slowly, being careful to draw out her words. "You've helped me a lot, you know."

Ms. Sauve smiled, more in surprise than in anything else.

"Have I?" There was an edge to her voice that said how much she wished that were true. That was the wonderful thing about Ms. Sauve… She really cared about people. She truly wanted to help and that was enough for her.

"Yes," Ellie said, making sure she put a lot of feeling and meaning behind that one word. "I just wanted you to know."

Ms. Sauve smiled widely then, her eyes shining a bit. It wasn't a sort of self-gratification but a more humble one. "Thank you, Ellie."

"If you can reach someone like me?" Ellie decided to put forward, "Then I know you can reach someone like Emma."

Ms. Sauve looked moved and Ellie could tell she didn't exactly know what to say. She decided to cut her a break and stood up, smiling easily. "I'll see you afterschool, Ms. Sauve."

As Ellie was closing the door behind her she finally heard Ms. Sauve respond with, "Yes, afterschool…"

Ellie sighed deeply, wishing that there was more she could do but knowing there wasn't. Ellie knew from experience that someone couldn't be helped if they didn't want to be. Especially not from someone they probably only tolerated. Ellie shook off thoughts of Emma as she started to walk away from Ms. Sauve's office. Instead, she focused on less depressing things.

Since study hall was Ellie's last class she decided not to even bother going back. She considered going to wait outside of Sean's last class but didn't want to smother him. He had just said the L word. Ellie smiled to herself at that thought, continuing to move down the hallway with no intended destination. She was lost in thoughts of her boyfriend when she walked straight into a hard figure. The collision caused her to bump back, causing pain to slam through her shoulder almost instantly.

"Hey, watch it!" A grouchy male voice asked.

She rubbed her sore shoulder and glared at Jay. She could already feel the bruise forming. "You have eyes, too."

"Didn't think I'd need to watch out for daydreaming goth girls," Jay shot back.

Ellie wasn't offended by Jay. Spending so much time with him had made her a bit immune to his attempts at hostility. She'd learned that shooting hostile comments out of his mouth was basically how he had conversations with people. "Shouldn't you be in class? So you don't get expelled."

Jay's eyes narrowed. "You know about that?"

Ellie rolled her eyes at him. "Well, your ex-girlfriend is one of my friends. And your best friend is my boyfriend."

"Right." An expression Ellie couldn't place filtered across Jay's face before he said, "Maybe you should add ex in front of best friend, too. Your boy hasn't been talking to me. He's giving me the cold shoulder." Jay touched his chest in a mocking display of pain, placing his hand across where his heart would be. "I'm hurt."

"Oh, I'm sure you're just crushed, Jay. Can't even sleep at night."

"How'd you know?"

"I'm a people person."

Jay laughed, surprisingly not derivatively. "You and me both."

Ellie took a moment to run through her thoughts concerning Jay. She would admit she didn't have particularly fuzzy feelings regarding Jay. In fact, she didn't like him too much. But she didn't dislike him, either. She might have at one time thought he was nothing more than the devil on her boyfriend's shoulder but she'd come to realize there was a lot lurking underneath the surface. He actually had moments of common decency and seemed to genuinely care about both his ex-girlfriend and Sean.

So, Ellie didn't like him much. But she didn't _dislike_ him, either. That was a very important distinction from where Ellie stood.

What she didn't understand was what made Emma decide she liked him.

Which brought her back to thoughts of Emma and reminded her why exactly Sean had every right to give his best friend the cold shoulder.

"So, wanna give me some insight into Cameron right now?" Jay asked, still a hint of amusement on his face.

"Could it be you're dating his ex-girlfriend?" Ellie bit back, her casual manner gone. "I mean, that's just a guess."

"Wow, did I hit your on-off switch or what?" Jay laughed again, this time humorlessly. Ellie could tell he didn't appreciate her switch to cold and distance but she didn't care. "Is that a sore point? All the attention that Sean's showering on the blonde pissing you off."

This was why Ellie didn't like him. Yes, there was a halfway decent guy underneath all of the asshole exterior but he could be so nasty when he wanted to be. He always went for the gut, aiming to leave the other person stunned. Lucky for Ellie he'd misread her weak point.

"No, actually." Ellie even flashed a half smile for emphasis. "Why? Is the fact that Alex can't pretend to care pissing you off?"

Jay's eyes widened in shock. Did he think he was the only one who could throw a sucker punch?

"I need to get back to class." Jay held up his hand and waved a hall pass she had failed to notice earlier. "Don't want to push through the after school rush to return a damn bathroom pass."

Ellie shrugged. "Whatever." She wasn't sure why but she found herself adding as he walked by, "I'll tell Sean..."

Jay stopped behind her but didn't turn around. They stood there with their backs to each other, both thinking what exactly Ellie could say to Sean. Jay finally said, "Tell him what exactly?" There was a beat before Jay added, "Look, do me the favor of not letting Cameron in on the fact that I -"

"Care?"

"Call it whatever you want. Just don't bother. We're big boys and we don't need a little girl sticking her nose into it."

Jay left Ellie standing in the hallway at a loss for why she'd even bothered having a halfway real conversation with him. She decided to just head to her locker and grab the books she would need.

When she got to her locker the bell rang, signaling the end of another school day. The doors of classrooms opened up, reigning life into the hallways. Students began to move through the halls with excitement and the noise of the temporary freedom that came with the afternoon.

Ellie was almost done putting her books away and grabbing the ones she would need when Ashley came to stand beside her. "Everything alright, El?"

"You mean besides my embarrassing limp out of study hall? Nope."

Ashley raised an eyebrow at her. "Ms. Sauve - "

"Wanted to reschedule my missed morning appointment," Ellie broke in. Ellie loved her best friend but Ashley was the concerned friend enough without adding unnecessary concern into the equation.

"Okay, just making sure." Ashley smiled, leaning against a set of lockers beside Ellie's. "Craig's taking me out tonight but he won't tell me where."

Ellie raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?" Craig had been doing one romantic gesture after another for Ashley since they got back together. While Ellie was happy for Ashley it was becoming a little redundant to hear about them. Not only that but Ellie couldn't shake the feeling that Ashley wasn't telling her everything.

"Yeah, I can't wait." Ashley sighed dreamily. Then a cloud passed over her eyes as she added, "I just hope everything goes smoothly."

"Why wouldn't it?"

Ashley looked like she wanted to tell Ellie something but wasn't sure if she should. Just then Craig slid up behind Ashley, putting his arm around her waist and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey," he said sweetly, looking at Ashley with so much love and affection that it was almost nauseating.

"Hey," Ashley said back, a huge smile making its way across her face.

"Well, I have to get to the library. I'll leave you two to your afternoon cuddle fest." Ellie smiled at Ashley before walking away, realizing she was leaving them near her locker. But, she also figured they wouldn't care.

Ellie was just about to head into the library when she caught Jay and Emma in a far off corner. She stopped, not being able to help staring at them. They were at Emma's locker and Jay was standing by as Emma placed books into her bag. Jay's eyes were hooded but Ellie could see he was watching Emma closely.

It was strange, Ellie finally decided as she watched them. She didn't know why but it was coming off to her as very strange.

Ellie sighed to herself then walked into the library. She would save worrying about Emma for another time. Or maybe she could look for another hobby. Either way, Ellie had a lot of work to do and only a half an hour to do it.

Still, as she pulled a book off the shelf Ellie found her mind turning back to Emma and Jay. As she opened up the book and looked at the table of contents she realized she'd be lucky if she got any work done that afternoon.

_Damnit Emma_, Ellie thought. _What's going on with you now?_


	7. Chapter Seven: Best Friends

Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides the story idea, which really belongs to the creators of Degrassi… Since all fan fiction is the rightful property of the people who own the thing is it based on. But if you steal my ideal or plagiarize me I'm still going to bitch you out hardcore. So don't, okay?

_**Day 9, Week 2**_

**Jay**

So, Sean was pissed at him. He'd gotten the memo by now. It had been a couple of weeks since he'd launched his brilliant plot against his ex-girlfriend. It had all been going according to plan, so well that he hadn't noticed at first that Sean was having a hissy fit. Okay, that was crap. He'd noticed but he hadn't cared enough to do anything about it. He figured it was something that would blow over.

It wasn't like Sean had made a big scene about it. He'd simply taken to glaring at Jay from across the lunch table and turning the other way when he saw Jay coming down the hall. Jay had decided if Sean was really upset he would have been a real ass about it and just popped Jay one.

Jay hadn't decided it was a problem until he'd given a call over to the Cameron residence, family of one. He'd only gotten as far as, "Hey, Cam-" before he heard the click. Jay would have taken the punching scenario over the passive aggressive bullshit.

He wasn't stupid, despite what people thought, so he knew it was somehow tied to Nelson. But why exactly was still a mystery to him. Sean had the little goth freak now, what did he want with the nature one?

It was bullshit to Jay, getting pissed over something like your best friend pretending to go out with your _very_ ex-girlfriend. Even if he didn't know Jay was only pretending to date the annoying blonde, what was the big deal? But Jay wasn't so heartless that he didn't find himself worrying about it a bit, whether he thought it made sense or not.

The more he thought about it, the more restless he felt… like he had to do something about it.

_Great, just great_, Jay thought to himself as he sat at his kitchen table. There were deep stains on the old, creaking wood but Jay didn't mind. It wasn't like there had been a time he could remember where it sparkled.

Besides, why be annoyed at a few stains on the kitchen table when his house smelled like piss. He'd probably be disgusted if there had ever been a time where it smelled like lemons or fresh linen for a long period of time. Sometimes, when they had a relative crawl out of the woodwork to pay a visit or his Ma would get a new boyfriend, it smelled _new_. She'd spend a week or so cleaning the house up and when she was done it would have that strong, cleaning chemicals smell. But that wasn't often and the house never stayed smelling that clean. He supposed it probably said something that a person grew up in a house that always smelled like it was rotting away. Maybe it fit the people in it.

Not that he was complaining too much. Sure, his house wasn't pine-sol fresh but it wasn't terrible either. His Ma had done the best she could back when she was working two jobs, usually pulling overtime at both. There wasn't really enough time for her to fuss about making the house look and smell just right. Now that she had the time for cleaning, well… It just wasn't something she was going to be doing.

He looked over to the living room, seeing that his Ma was sprawled out on the couch staring at the blue light of the television with passive eyes. She had a cigarette in one hand, taking time in between lying there immobile to bring the cigarette to her lips and back away. The room had a smoky film that filled the air, the product of his mother's regular chain smoking.

He looked at the cigarette, getting a bit worried the way he always did whenever he was thinking about leaving her alone in front of the television. She could just fall right asleep with that in her hand, not even giving it a second thought, and that'd be it.

_She's not that bad_, he wanted to tell himself. But it would be a lie.

She hadn't worked since he was twelve. She was too bad to work, the doctors said. Since then she'd been collecting disability and welfare. But it hardly put food on their table or kept the bill collectors at bay every month.

"Ma," he called out, stepping into the living room and coming to stand behind her. He'd made a decision that would cut out the obnoxious voice in his head that had sprung up. "Ma?"

His mother took another long drag of her cigarette before answering. "Yes, honey," she said, smoke pouring out of her with each word. She was the only person in the world who could get away with calling him 'honey' or any other lame thing like that.

"I'm heading to Sean's for a bit. I'll be back later, okay?"

"Now?" She looked at the clock on the wall, her eyes squinting as if she was having a hard time reading the numbers. Her eyes cleared before her face clouded over with worry. She took another puff of her cigarette then said, "Isn't it a little late?"

Jay looked over to the same clock and saw that it was 10:30. Yeah, it was a little late if you were a preschooler. Jay thought for a second then said, "I need help with my english homework. Keep up with my work, ya know?"

His Ma wasn't too good at grasping the smaller details anymore and Jay knew this pretty well. She probably didn't remember how Sean wasn't in the same grade as him or that Sean sucked at english more than he did. He felt bad using her illness against her and he tried not to do it much. He'd much rather sneak out a window when she was already sleeping and wouldn't notice he was gone. But he knew he couldn't get out the front door while she was awake without saying something. He could wait but he really needed to talk to Sean before he lost the whim.

"Oh, alright," she said in response, smiling. "Just don't be too long."

"K, Ma" Jay said as he came over and placed a kiss on her forehead. Carefully he slid the pack of cigarettes off the table and into his pocket. She couldn't burn the house down if she was busy looking for her cigarettes.

"Love you," she called out at he opened the door and left.

Jay hopped into is car and peeled out of the driveway. He knew he was speeding unnecessarily but he wanted the smooth feel of the road tonight. The faster he went the more it drowned out his own thoughts. He figured that was a good thing since he'd been driving himself frickin' insane recently. Was he this annoying to everyone who knew him? If he was, fucking hell, they deserved a medal.

He got to Sean's in under ten only to find the time he'd burned off racing through the streets in his car wasted on him staring at the door. He heard the blare of the television inside, some cheesy horror flick by the sounds of it. He'd known Sean would be awake but what the hell had he been thinking? Did he really want to get into it now? And, Jesus, it wasn't Jay's fault Sean was being such a big baby over it.

Okay, so now Jay was just being a wuss and looking for a pansy ass excuse to back out. He banged on the door loudly as he came to that realization and yelled, "Sean, ya in there buddy?"

He heard rustling inside and the television became softer. There was more movement but no answer. Jay raised his fist again and knocked some more.  
"Yo, Cameron, anytime! You can't ignore me all night."

The door finally swung open to show Sean standing there in a wrinkled t-shirt and a pair of shorts, glaring at him. Before Jay could get a word out a shadow fell over Sean from behind before someone saddled up to stand beside him, her ruffled red hair falling across her face awkwardly.

Jay moved his eyes over Ellie, smirking as he saw that her skirt was crooked and titled to one side too much. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

Sean just continued to glare as Ellie turned pink and began patting her hair down.

"Then don't," Sean finally bit out, the tone in his voice harsh. It, more than the words themselves, indicated how much Jay wasn't welcome.

"I have to get home anyway," Ellie said, though Jay could tell she was unsure about leaving the two guys alone with each other.

"You don't have to," Sean said, his tone becoming softer as he directed his words toward Ellie. Jay nearly groaned as he caught an underlying pout in Sean's voice.

_He's so whipped_, Jay thought in disgust.

Ellie mouth quirked into one of her _'I'm the saddest girl in the world but my boyfriend loves me' _smiles. But her voice was firm as she said, "I do."

Jay wanted to gag but seeing as he was already in the friend dog house with Sean he figured it would be stupid to do anything. Jay silently commended himself for holding back a smartass comment.

Sean leaned down to meet his slightly shorter girlfriend at the mouth for a soft, but lingering, kiss. "Alright," Sean relinquished. "Call me when you get home, okay?"

_Fucking shoot me_, Jay said to himself.

"Okay," Ellie agreed. "I love you."

"Yeah," was Sean's response. Ellie raised her eyebrows but then let it slide. She moved past them and Jay was glad to see Sean wasn't so wrapped around his little girlfriend's pinky that he would drop the 'L' word in front of another guy.

"Don't kill each other," Ellie called out as she walked away.

Sean watched his girlfriend until she was out of sight then he looked at Jay with contempt, his entire face stiffening. "What do you want Jay?"

"Hey, is that anyway to greet your best friend?" Jay said lightly.

"The best friend is up for negotiation," Sean said, moving into his house.

Jay followed behind him, closing the door. "Oh, come on! Stop acting all high and mighty. Jeez, I didn't know you'd still get all hot and bothered over Nelson."

Sean whipped around, every part of his body conveying he didn't believe that for a second. "She was my first real girlfriend," Sean offered up, as though that was all that needed to be said.

"Aww, how adorable. For the record, it's cool if you date my first girlfriend. Shit, sleep with her fifteen different ways and take pictures while you do. Big deal," Jay said back, the words pouring out. Jay knew there were better ways to say all this but Jay had never been too good at the "better" ways of doing things. Why start now?

"Why are you always such an asshole? Do you even feel anything?"

"Oh, boo hoo, I'm an asshole. Tell me somethin' the entire world doesn't know." Jay paused. "You never cared about the asshole part before. Why the sour grapes now?"

"Because now you're messing with someone who matters to me. You never think beyond your own selfish motivations."

"I didn't know, okay? How was I suppose to know? I thought you were over the little nature freak. You sure acted like you were over her."

"Do you even listen to how you talk about her? Is she even a person to you at all?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Sean shook his head as if he was too disgusted about the entire thing to talk to Jay anymore. "Get out of my house, Jay."

Sean started heading toward the kitchen, leaving no room for anything else. Jay moved after him, not ready to admit defeat yet. Maybe he was suppose to grovel or something instead of being insulting. He didn't know how these best friend make-up sessions went. He'd always been the guy who had the other assholes around him but they'd never been his friends. Couldn't Sean cut him some slack here? He _was_ trying.

"Cameron! Yo, Cameron!" Jay called as he followed Sean into the kitchen.

Sean turned around violently, causing Jay to nearly slam into him. "What?" Sean bit out in between clenched teeth. Sean had pent up anger coursing through his body.

"Can we just talk this out?" Jay finally said, then nearly sneered at himself. _'Can we talk?' _What the freakin' hell was that? He was going soft on himself. Jesus.

"Talk?" Sean sounded out the one syllable word like it was foreign to him. It probably was coming from Jay Hogart.

"Look, this came out all wrong. I'm not too good with this whole… thing. Here's the deal…" Jay felt sick. But he couldn't back out now. "You haven't said more than a handful of words to me over the last few weeks. At lunch, in between sucking face with your girl, you shoot me death glares. And during shop you stay in a corner with that loser Manning."

Jay wanted to throw up at his own words. He was starting to sound like an attention needy girlfriend whose boyfriend had been spending too much time hanging with the guys. But Jay couldn't just come out and say, _"Sorry you think I'm dating your ex in an attempt to get her out of her pink satin panties. Really, I'm just using her to piss off Alex. But, dude, she's wrecked anyway. No loss there, buddy."_

Yeah, Jay didn't figure that would smooth things out so much. He also wasn't in the mood to go a few rounds with Sean's fists today so it was better to play it safe.

"Yeah, well, at least Craig wouldn't go behind my back and start dating my ex-girlfriend."

"Hey, can we focus on the ex part here? You don't have a claim on that piece of ass."

_Wrong words, buddy_, Jay instantly thought. Sean wasn't going to take kindly to Emma being called a piece of ass. Even if she was one hot piece of ass and Sean knew it he also thought the girl was some sort of saint that should be held to disgustingly high standards.

"Piece of ass?" Sean growled out, moving close to Jay's face. "Does Emma know her boyfriend is referring to her like she's meat? Cause I'm sure she'd love that. Do you even stop to think of how you view her? I'm sure she'd be real interested to know."

Right, like that girl needed another reason to rant about her feminism based points of view. Or to have another impromptu public fight. No, thanks.

"Look, I didn't mean anything by it," Jay said with a shrug. "I was just speaking guy to guy."

"Yeah? What if I said I thought Alex was a nice piece of ass. You'd like that? Huh?"

_Ouch, low fucking blow, bud_, Jay added to himself. Out loud he said, "Leave Alex the fuck out of this, Cameron."

Sean was playing dirty now, throwing the Alex card in though that made sense. Jay played dirty too and his best friend was no different on some days. Jay never really would have guessed Sean would be _so_ pissed about his golden girl getting dirty with his bad seed best friend. Sean was acting like Jay had killed his fucking puppy or something. It was pathetic and grating on what little nerves he actually had.

Sean grabbed Jay's shirt, yanking him hard as he spoke. "Leave Emma out of everything. Just walk away from her, man. Now."

Jay was seeing red, never taking too lightly to being manhandled by anyone. But he was willing to cut some slack to Sean considering the circumstances. He patted himself on the back as he made an effort to count to ten before barking out, "Get your hands the fuck off of me, Cameron."

Sean let him go but kept his glare on him. "Look, you don't care about her, right? But Emma… She can't help but care about people. She deserves more than what she'll be getting from you."

"What's that? A no good loser, right? This your way of telling me I'm not good enough for the precious Miss Nelson." Jay wasn't sure why but he realized he kind of cared if Sean thought he was a loser.

"This is me telling you she deserves more than being some object of amusement in between you and Alex breaking up and getting back together. She deserves more than just being some side fun before you go back to the main attraction." Sean's eyes were honest, a hint of vulnerability in them that Jay wasn't sure whether he should berate or be humbled by. "Just walk away from her before she gets hurt."

Maybe if Jay wasn't a self-proclaimed selfish bastard he would have been more moved by Sean's sappy plea. But he was and that was where Sean could never win against him. He always looked out for himself first and those that made the mistake to care about him second.

Sean took Jay's silence for what it was: a decline of a request. To Sean's benefit he didn't lay his hands on Jay. "Fine," he said simply. Sean's face twisted as he turned away, Jay catching the disgusted look in his eyes as he did. "Get out."

Jay sighed, then walked toward the door with Sean moving behind him. Jesus, the guy didn't need to make sure Jay left. He was going toward the door, wasn't he? But Sean came with Jay the entire way, stopping to stand in the door way. Just as Jay was barely out the door Sean slammed the door behind him. Jay spent a brief moment staring at the closed door, knowing he wasn't going to be mending that bridge anytime soon.

When Sean was pissed at someone they might as well be dead to him until he cooled off. If they even tried to breech the barrier before Sean was ready they either ended up with a busted lip or a string of words that would follow them for months. Jay got that and he didn't care. Whatever, right? Let Sean ignore him all he wanted. Jay didn't freakin' care. Alex was equally pissed and that more than made up for the cold shoulder Sean was giving him. The plan was working and he wasn't going to shut down the scheme just when things were starting to heat up.

Still, Jay had a sour feeling tearing through his stomach that could have been guilt. Not that he knew too well since he wasn't used to actually letting anything like remorse get to him. But Sean was suppose to be his boy, his "best friend". Shit, Sean had always been there to bail him out when Jay needed him. The guy even put up with some of Jay's least endearing personality traits. The only time Sean had ever shown disgust at who Jay was had been when it had nearly cost Sean his student welfare. He couldn't blame him there.

Okay, Jay would admit it. It didn't sit well with him that he might be hurting his best friend. Sure, piss on Jay and he would piss on you. But Sean hadn't done anything to stir Jay's anger. Sean had turned out to be a pretty decent friend who could be depended on threw thick and thin. He didn't cut and run like so many others. He also wasn't the type of guy to go behind your back and steal your ex-girlfriend, which is what it looked like Jay had done to Sean. What if Sean suddenly started dating Alex?

The fact that he was screwing over Sean while getting back at Alex wasn't something he had really stopped to consider too much in the beginning. Yeah, he knew that Sean still had some type of feelings for Nelson. But he had never really thought it went too deep. The break-up wasn't recent and most days Sean acted like she didn't even exist. If Jay had been able to see how big the fallout with Sean would have been he might have pulled back before it was too late. He knew he owed Sean at least that much.

Jay told himself to shut the fuck up and got in his car to head home. He started heading back to his house when he realized he needed something else to take off the burn. Going home and rolling off to sleep wasn't going to cut it. Slamming on the breaks he made a hard turn, earning the sound of a loud car horn honking at him. He didn't care. He started speeding toward his new destination.

Pulling into the crusty Seven-Eleven he grabbed his fake ID from the glove compartment. _Jack Daniels makes the best substitute friend_, Jay thought to himself as he moved out of the car and toward the bright neon lights of the 24/7 store.

He didn't spend anytime inside poking around. He went straight to the alcohol and grabbed a Jack Daniels bottle off the shelf, moving to the counter swiftly. Then he tossed the fake ID in the cashier's direction, not worried that it would fail him. He'd used it too many times and, besides, it was prime product that he'd tossed out a lot of money to get.

The cashier looked between the fake ID and Jay a couple of times but eventually rung up the bottle.

"That'll be $5.75," the cashier said in words that had a heavy Canadian accent to them.

Jay reached into his pocket and pulled out the contents. With a clank he let all the money he had drop onto the counter and found 6 one dollar bills and various coins staring back at him. He pushed five dollar bills in the cashier's direction and counted out 75 cents, letting each coin slide across the counter with a scrape. Then he slid his hand across the counter, shoveling the coins into his cupped palm and then stuffing the dollar and the change into his pocket.

When Jay got home his Ma was asleep on the couch, the television still flashing animatedly through the room. Jay grabbed a blanket laying on top of the sofa chair then used it to cover his Ma. He turned down the television, knowing she liked to have it on while she slept, then headed toward his room.

He flipped the light on and closed the door, pushing the dirty clothes lying on the floor out of his way with his feet. He sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the springs jut into him through the weakened material of the mattress. Jay didn't care, he was use to it. When he finally felt the burn of the alcohol going down his throat Jay wondered why he hadn't done this before. When him and Alex had broken up… When he was hatching over the top plans to hurt her… Before he'd fucked over his best friend.

Jay really was a stupid ass. The last coherent thought Jay had before falling into an alcohol induced oblivion was that he'd really fucked up this time.


	8. Chapter Eight: Not A Pretty Girl

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this actual fan fiction. Don't steal my ideas._

_A/N: Not long after the last couple of chapters. A new voice is introduced in this chapter. She was a hoot to write for, by the way._

**Day 10, Week 2**

**Alex**

Alex saw them together, all the freakin' time. In the hallway when she was on her way to class, by Miss Got It Together's locker afterschool, eating lunch with what use to be her pack. She would watch them getting into his ugly civic. She saw them talking to each other. She saw him touching her tanned arm.

"They're really... _new_," Ellie had said to her, in some attempt at offering comfort. "They've only been together, what, a week?"

_Heading closer to two_, Alex added silently.

"Rumor has it they got into a very public display of disagreement the other day." Ellie shrugged. "I say give it another week and they'll be clawing each other's eyes out."

This almost caused Alex to cynically laugh. Who would have thought her and what she had once considered the freak bag would be friends? Worse, that Ellie would comfort her.

"Yeah, like I care," Alex said in her best monotone voice.

"You know, it's okay to care. Even you are allowed a human emotion or two."

"You want to have a big talk about feelings? Go see Sauve and spare me," Alex snarled out, watching as Ellie flinched back an inch. Alex watched as Ellie's mouth tightened and her eyes became smaller.

Ellie shook her head, her shoulders dropping. "Whatever."

Alex would have felt bad if she knew how to. But Ellie was overstepping her place. Still, the two had fallen into a chilly silence and Alex was trying to find a way out of it without making an actual apology. The tension was cut as none other than Spinner Mason came barreling down the hallway with his gaze fixed on Ellie.

"Hey, Nash!" Spinner said loudly as he approached them.

Ellie sighed loudly as Alex rolled her eyes.

Spinner came to stand beside them and Alex couldn't help making a cutting comment.

"Did you get lost looking for your master?" Alex asked, smirking. "I saw Paige heading the other way." Alex leaned closer to Spinner, as though she was sharing a secret. "If you hurry you might be able to catch her and get a doggy treat for your obedience."

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not chasing after Jay Hogart," Spinner responded. "Besides, did it look like I was talking to you, Freak Bag?"

Before Alex could respond Ellie joined the conversation. "Wow, Spin...I'm really glad you've conquered your inability to pronounce two syllable words. You're taking one syllable words and stringing them together to make insults. Genius."

Spinner, to his credit, seemed mostly unfazed. "Whatever. Look, I'm failing Chemistry. You're acing it or whatever. Jensen said to see you about some tutoring."

Ellie stared incredulously at Spinner and Alex couldn't blame her. For one, Alex wouldn't want to spend more than a couple of minutes a day in the presence of Spinner. Even that could be too much, if you asked Alex. For two, was this guy brain dead or what?

"You just addressed my friend as _Freak Bag_," Ellie said, her eyes narrowing. "And now you want me to tutor you? Are you kidding me or are you really this stupid?"

_Stupid_, Alex thought. _Go with frea-E-kin stupid._

"She started it!" Spinner argued, his face crinkling up childishly as he held out his arms as if to say it explained everything.

"Yeah, that argument works great… If you're in the third grade."

"Okay, fine… " He saw that Ellie was unaffected and surprised both girls by dropping to his knees in the middle of the hallway. "I'm sorry for calling you Freak Bag, Alex," he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. He then turned to look directly at Ellie and continued. "Would you please, please, please tutor me?"

Elli didn't even blink as she looked down at the groveling display. "I'd rather shave off my eyebrows."

Alex laughed out loud. This was why she was friends with this girl.

"Dude, you have to!" Spinner sprang to his feet, his voice rising. "I'm gonna fail! I can't do summer school."

"And be deprived of being Paige's lap dog?" Ellie rolled her eyes. "Tell it to someone who can at least pretend to care. I'm going to be late for art." Ellie looked at Alex and rolled her eyes in Spinner's direction. "Later, Alex."

"Later."

"Ellie! Come on! I said I was sorry. What, do you want it in blood?" Ellie kept walking as Spinner looked at Alex. "Your friend? Is a complete freak." Then he stormed after Ellie.

"Watch out for _your_ new lapdog, El. He looks harmless but if you stand still for too long he might hump your leg," Alex called out to Ellie's retreating form, smirking.

Spinner didn't turn around as he shot Alex the finger.

As soon as her amusement towards Spinner's lameness faded Alex felt the sudden lost of Ellie's comforting presence. Maybe she didn't want some big talk about her feelings but having Ellie just be there was… _nice_.

Not that she needed to be comforted. _No_, not Alex. Alex needed to be sedated to keep her from ripping out all of the stupid blonde's shampooed, conditioned and carefully blow-dried hair. Or Jay's eyeballs. Alex was having fantasies of removing Jay's eyes with a plastic spoon.

Not exactly the stuff girl's dreams were made of, eh? Well, she wasn't exactly the typical girl prototype. She didn't spend time getting manicures and pedicures and trying on ridiculous amounts of clothing from posh fashion stores. It wasn't just cause she couldn't afford to do any of that. That stuff was just plain stupid, if you bothered to ask Alex.

Not that many people bothered to ask her what opinion she held on anything. Alex liked that, too. It meant her stock was low on the social ladder of hypocrisy and airheads.

She liked her nails whittled down and bare, she thought all feet were ugly to the point where you shouldn't go around decorating them, and her clothing suited her just fine thank you very freakin' much.

Girls like Paige and Manny always seemed like some kind of foreign breed of human to Alex. They went home, did their homework, played with their hair, then went to bed and dreamed their cotton candy filled dreams. As far as she was concerned their biggest issue was whether their favorite pair of pants would fit when they were bloated. They didn't have to worry about their Mother's abusive boyfriend or anything real. They were just animated barbie dolls, prettifying themselves for guys that would just treat them like shit because they could.

It was disgusting.

Environmental Barbie was the worst of all of them. She walked around, all sunshine and smiles preaching about animal rights and saving the planet. All high and mighty, thinking she was better than everyone else. Her voice was enough to make Alex want to pound her fist into her little blonde head. She could imagine her now talking like some bobble head, "_Look at me, I'm Miss Perfect." _If that wasn't a laugh. Alex had tasted that girl's venom, felt the startling blow of her knee ramming into her lip.

The girl wasn't an angel, but she played it off well. Made everyone think she was something more than she was. It sickened the hell out of Alex and she hated Emma for it. More than Paige or Manny. More than any other empty headed, fashion obsessed, moronic girl Alex had ever come across.

Alex hated Emma.

Now, Jay was daring to date that little blonde twig? After every word he'd said to her about how lame Emma was. All the prodding and pushing Jay had done toward Sean. The endless jokes Jay had made at Emma's expense last year when Sean had finally, as Jay put it, "Seen the damn light".

Jay was playing another fucked up game at Alex's expense. There was no way in this lifetime, in this reality, that Jay was actually dating Emma.

It was _Emma_.

Miss Save the Universe. Miss Adopt a Puppy. Miss Oh My Gawd, You Dropped a Wrapper On the Ground... Are You Going To Pick It Up?

No, Jay would have been driven nuts already. He wouldn't be in school, strolling around with her clicking at his heels like some obedient dog. Jay would be in the loony bin, probably singing show tunes and arranging plastic flowers.

But, shit, was it pissing her the hell off. Jay knew it too. She saw his knowing, cocky smirk being shot her way too often for her liking. She was too familiar with that leer, that 'I've got you good now' grin. She'd been with him for two years, didn't he think she knew his tricks? Didn't he know she knew how to play them right back?

Hell, but she was pissed. Too pissed to think of some way to get him back. She had been a ball of pent up anger since she had seen them stroll into the lunch room together.

Alex was thinking about all the ways she was going to make Jay suffer when she literally ran into him. _Well, how unlucky for him_.

He nodded his head, "Alex." Then he dared to go to move past her. _Her_. Didn't he know who he was dealing with? Had he paid any attention during their time together? No one, not even her asshole ex-boyfriend, just brushed past her like she was nothing.

Not if she didn't want them too.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him back her way. "Where do you think you're goin'?"

Jay rolled his eyes at her. "To class. Have a problem?"

Alex felt anger build up in her stomach. "Okay, I got your point. So, you're pissed off. Big deal. Get over it."

Jay smirked, the bastard. "I don't know what you're talking about. It looks like _you're _the one who is pissed off. "

Alex's eyes narrowed to what she was sure were angry slits. "Do not even try to play me, Jay."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"What the fuck are you up to? Huh? Hangin' around with Cause Girl herself. Playin' it up. Who the hell do you think you're kiddin'? Do you think I'm stupid, Jay?"

"Whoa, Alex! Don't get your pretty, black panties into a twist. What's the matter?" His lips twitched. "You jealous?"

Alex sneered at him, even as her heart slammed hard once against her chest. "You wish." A look of disgust came over her face. "More like nauseous. Always knew you were really a dyke, Jay. Never knew you would show your hand so soon after our split."

Alex got even more frustrated when her poison somehow missed its mark. Jay cockily said, "Just admit it, babe. You're jealous."

Alex laughed. "Of you and Emma? If there _is_ a you and Emma. Like I said, do you think I'm stupid?"

"Considering you broke up with me and now you're following me around like some freakin' stalker. Yeah, I do." Jay's face tightened. "Can't have it both ways, Lexi. You know how it goes. You're either in my life... Or you stay the hell out of my way."

This time he left no argument as he shoved past her on whether he would stay. His words couldn't be more true. That was Jay, through and through. He didn't play around and there were no half and halfs. Somebody was either on his side or they were the enemy

Alex wasn't sure she liked the feeling of being on the opposite side. It felt strange. Kind of like she had swallowed something vile. He had moved past her. He'd never done that before. Just gone past her like she didn't matter anymore. There was something tight lodged in her chest, it felt like a part of her had just been torn up.

What the hell was going on? Alex was not a happy camper. She was feeling the strangest, girliest urge to just run into the Barbie Doll Conference Room (otherwise known as the girl's washroom) and cry. Alex didn't cry. Alex hit something till she felt better.

For the rest of the day Alex moved through her classes on the verge of tears. She knew what it was like to be so angry her fists shook, but she had no clue that emotional pain could cause the same reaction. She had to keep fighting the urge to fall apart at any split second and she knew if she could just unclench her fingers she would find nail marks on her palm.

When the final bell rang that signaled the end of the school day Alex sprang out the classroom door. She didn't bother to stop at her locker or slow down when Ellie called out her name. She kept pushing and shoving, all the while stuffing down the stupid, girlie emotions.

_Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me? _Alex though as she shoved the door of the school open and stepped outside. She had thought that maybe, just maybe, being outside would help. She moved further and further away from the school until she was standing on the sidewalk across from the school building. But she felt the same goddamn pain in her gut. Alex couldn't do this. She wasn't no freakin' baby.

Out of the corner of her eye Alex saw one very unlucky blonde making her way out the door. Alex gritted her teeth, feeling a new swell of anger. That was much better. Anger she could deal with. Especially if it meant she would be taking it out on the little Nature Freak.

She began making her way back toward the school, her entire body now alive with the familiar feeling of confrontation. When she was closer to Emma she called out, "Hey, Nelson!" She marched herself up to Emma, pushing past people until a path was cleared, allowing her to easily move in front of her.

She watched the girl blink once in surprise and then step back in consideration. "Alex."

Emma said it like a curse word. Alex had never heard the girl even say a frickin' curse word, but Alex supposed that was how it would sound coming from the blonde's mouth. Alex didn't like it, not one bit.

Alex moved so she was close to Emma's face, her body shaking with her pent up anger. "You and me need to have a little bit of girl talk."

Emma stood there, mute with confusion. "Uh, what about?"

"You and my ex-boyfriend. Look, let me make it simple for you. You either back the fuck off of Jay now. Or I give you a nose job free of charge. "

Emma stared at Alex. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Cause Girl. Stay away from Jay. You got that?"

"You have got to be kidding me," Emma said under her breath, almost so softly that Alex didn't hear. More loudly Emma said, "Get over it, Alex. I don't have time for this."

Then Emma went to move past Alex. _That would make two people in one day, _Alex thought. There was no way in hell little Emma Nelson was going to move past Alex like she didn't matter.

No way in hell.

Alex grabbed Emma's arm and spun her around. "We are not done yet."

Emma yanked her arm back. "Oh, yes we are."

Alex shot at Emma. It wasn't a conscious thing, not something she had planned. One second she was standing there, the next she had Emma by her two arms and was shoving her against a car that had the disadvantage of being parked so close to the school.

A look of complete shock came over Emma's face, her mouth dropping open slightly. But then it was like a fire ignited in the other girl and she came at Alex so fiercely, the force was overwhelming.

No, the last time had been a fluke. The girl did not fight harder than Alex did. There was no way in hell. Alex felt a hard punch to the side of her face, causing her to smack backward.

Alex felt a wave of dizziness, but shook it off. "You are so fucking dead!"

Alex grabbed Emma by her hair, angling her until she got Emma into a tight headlock. Emma fought and struggled to get out of her vulnerable position but the fight inside of Alex was too strong. Alex balled her hand into a weapon and gave Emma a hard, brutal punch with her clenched fist. She heard Emma give out a soft cry, and watched one hand come up to hold her head.

There. She'd won, Alex had proclaimed triumphantly. She let go of Emma's hair and released her from the headlock, but the moment she did Emma came back at her. The tiny blonde's arm shot out to contact with the side of Alex's face with a hard pop. With a vicious hiss Alex shoved back, her hand darting out and scratching down the side of Emma's face.

Alex pulled back, surprised herself to see the fingernail marks trailing down the side of Emma's face. Emma reached up a tentative hand to touch the marks Alex's four nails had made, wincing as she did. Alex watched as a storm gathered in Emma's eyes before she launched herself at Alex again. Alex was off balance and still staring at the claw marks on Emma's face that she had no time to brace for the new attack. Alex found herself being whirled around and then slammed into the hard cement ground. She felt another punch to her face, then another.

It was a rain of hot, angry punches all being directed at her. The only thing keeping her from curling up into a ball was her self-respect.

Someone called out, then pulled the blonde off of her. Someone came to help Alex up. She shrugged the hands off, not wanting to show any weakness even as her head was spinning with dizziness.

Alex looked toward Emma and saw Jay there, supporting her up. Holding her back.

Where was his concern for her? Where were his arms around her? She needed to be picked up. She needed to be held. The one frickin' time she'd like for him to reach out and be one mushy-assed boyfriend, and he wasn't hers.

Alex rolled her shoulders, hardening herself fully. This was why big girls didn't cry. No one was there to wipe away their tears and tell them it was going to be okay.

Well, she didn't need anybody to be there for her anyways.

Alex didn't turn her head an inch as she strolled past Emma and Jay. Instead she kept her face forward and her eyes focused on right ahead of her. She didn't care how it looked that she was heading back toward the school. She kept walking, letting the entrance doors swing closed behind her. Students took in her bloodied appearance with a gasp but she didn't pay any attention to them. She turned the corner at the end of the first hallway and slipped inside the unlocked door of a small maintenance closet.

She knew it wouldn't be locked because it never had been before. Her and Jay had often slipped inside together...

Alex felt her throat close up and hot liquid rush into her eyes. A tiny drop of liquid finally worked its way out of Alex's swollen eye, the salt stinging the bruise.

In the small, musty smelling closet Alex knelt onto the ground and finally allowed herself one long, quiet cry.


	9. Chapter Nine: Behind the Static

_**Is anyone still reading this?** If so you should thank _Degrassidreamer _for never giving up on any of my chapter stories and Christy January for recently falling in love with it. _

A/N: Honestly, not too much actual Emma/Jay in this chapter… I had some things I wanted to take the time to flesh out with Jay. Also, this is Jay… Lots of swearing and crude language. Takes place on the same day as the Alex chapter.

_I gave you these roses now _

_but I left in the thorns_

_I'd rather hurt someone _

_than hurt myself_

_- Senses Fail, 'Choke on This'_

Jay woke up feeling groggy, the way he always did when he drank too much and then only caught a few hours of sleep. Jay wanted to roll over and go back to sleep but he heard Raditch's nagging voice in his ear telling him he'd be expelled. Also, he had a passing image of Emma waiting for him to pick her up. He didn't want to deal with her whining later about being late for school.

This would work better if he had her phone number. She'd jotted it down on some paper earlier last week but he had no idea where the hell he'd put it.

Jay had a passing thought of Sean. Maybe Jay should…No. _Hell No_. The ball was already moving fast and steady toward its goal. Cutting the plan off short wouldn't do anything. He'd fix things with Cameron once everything was done and he had Alex back, fully aware of how lucky she had it with him.

Yeah, that's what he'd do, Jay decided as he made his way to the bathroom to splash some water in his eyes. He'd also need some Advil. Or maybe an entire bottle of it… Whatever worked.

By the time he picked Emma up for school he was only half sure he should be driving any kind of heavy machinery. His head was still pounding and an eerie, music free silence filled up his car. He was hoping Emma wouldn't take this as an invitation to yap in his ear. He'd rather listen to pounding music right now than hear her irritating voice go on and on about something.

Emma looked puzzled as she got into his car, raising an eyebrow at him. "Where's that noise you call music?"

"Shut up," he said harshly, pulling away from the curb of Emma's house. Yeah, maybe she hadn't done anything but she would have if he wasn't quick to shoot her down.

"Isn't it too early to be in such a bad mood already?" She asked him, her jaw in a tight line.

Apparently she couldn't take a hint. How much more did he have to put up with? It was _her_ fault Sean was mad at him, anyway. Jay figured she could have talked Sean out of being angry if Emma had given any sort of indication that she wanted to be with Jay. Jesus, couldn't she play it up just a bit? And her voice was about five octaves higher than it usually sounded, stabbing into his mind like a needle every time she opened her mouth and let out a half of a syllable.

"It's only, like, before 8:00 in the morning," she continued in a light tone. For some reason the lightness in her voice only pissed him off more.

"Listen, Nature Freak, I don't care what time it is. I don't give a shit what you have to say. So, could you do me a freakin' favor and shut your yap?"

Emma's jaw fell open as she took a deep breath, staring at him. Had she looked that sad when she's gotten in the car this morning? He didn't think so. He also didn't like the fact that it bothered him that her eyes seemed to be glazing over because of him.

Well, it was her own fault anyway. She shouldn't have kept pushing him. Didn't she know better? He was Jay Hogart. He ate people like her for breakfast. What did he care if he made them go running home to their mommies crying. He didn't have to be nice to Nelson. This was a business arrangement. As long as she dried up in time for their big entrance it was all good.

Still, the damn nature lover had a way of making him feel shitty recently. He stole a glance at her and saw she was staring at the window making sniffling noises. Was she fucking crying? He had the absurd urge to say_, "Not in my car!"_

They came to a stop light and as he slowed down he figured he should say something. Just so she wouldn't be bawling when they pulled up to the school or something. But before he got a chance Emma swung open her door and darted out yelling behind her, "I'll walk to school, thanks."

She'd what? Walk to school? She was going to walk to school? Oh, right… That made perfect sense. If she wanted everyone to wonder what the hell was going on. Oh, she was one manipulative bitch, he decided. She picked the best time to play a hand against him.

There were a few cars ahead of him so he had to wait until the light turned green. Then he went after her, glad that she didn't seem to walk much faster than a slug. He came up behind her and then pulled off to the side, parking the car and getting out to walk after her.

"Get in the damn car, Nelson!"

But she kept going, this time taking big and angry strides forward that made her blonde hair move from side to side. "No," she said loudly, not even bothering to look behind her.

He caught up with her, grabbing her arm to try and slow her down. But she just shrugged him off and kept moving. Okay, so it was time to haul out the blackmail. "You're breaking our deal. Do I need to remind you what happens if you don't keep up your end of it? Huh? Do you want…"

That seemed to get her more riled up and she came to a quick halt, causing Jay to nearly ram into her. "Our deal does not give you the right to treat me like that. I'm a person, Jay. A PERSON!"

When someone was looking at him like he had done something horribly wrong it was easier for Jay to just block it out. It was always the same shit about how awful of a human being he was. They might as well be speaking gibberish because Jay had become a pro at shutting all of it out. But did she have to say it all so loud? Goddamnit, his ears were ringing and his head felt like it was going to explode.

"Listen, you're upset, okay?" Jay began, almost diplomatically. "But if you don't get back into the damn car imagine how upset you'll be when everyone knows that you're a big ol' anorexic freak."

There. That should do it. She'd get back into the car and this entire ordeal would be over.

"I'd rather that than have to deal with you being such a jerk to me!" Emma shot back, her eyes deadly serious.

_Wait, what did she say?, _Jay thought, figuring in the middle of tuning out all of her wonderful bashing of him he had heard what she'd just said wrong. "What did you just say?"

"I said that you can go ahead and tell them because I'm not going to stick around to be your punching bag."

This… wasn't what he had ever expected. The plan never involved him actually outing her problem to the school. The plan involved her going along with it all so he didn't tell everyone. This wasn't suppose to happen. His plan would fall apart without her. What would even be the point of telling the entire school? _"Yeah, Emma's an anorexic barbie doll… I used that against her to blackmail her into pretending to be my girlfriend. Worked out nice, huh?"_

Jay hadn't even stopped to think of that. He was usually good at reading people's weaknesses and fears. He would have placed money on Emma never wanting anyone to know what was going on with her. He looked at Emma to see if she realized how much of a hole he was in.

_No, she doesn't seem to get it, _Jay thought, relieved. Okay, so he'd have to play nice a bit more. That was fine. Jay decided it wouldn't exactly kill him to not bite her head off the next time he was suffering from a hangover.

"Okay," Jay finally said.

"Okay?" Emma seemed more than surprised.

"I'll be nice," Jay said, his voice kept in careful even tones. "Okay? Now, please get in the car, Nature Freak."

He couldn't help it. He'd added a please, hadn't he? And he'd left out all swear words. He just had to drop the Nature Freak in at the end.

Emma nodded her head yes and he realized she was relieved that he wouldn't call her bluff. Which is what he now saw it probably was. Of course she'd put up with him walking all over her. She didn't really want the whole school to know her secret. Still, he'd be nic_er_… Just in case.

They got to the school and made their usual entrance, though they weren't attracting the same amount of stares they had at the beginning. Only a few weeks in and Degrassi High was already starting to get use to them being together. If they were getting use to it that meant they were buying it.

Good.

He just hoped Alex was buying it, too.

He walked with Emma to her locker then headed off in the direction of his own. Jesus, who would have figured that Nelson would get him into a bind without even realizing it? Sure, he knew she didn't want it to go around the school that Ms. Sauve was watching to make sure Emma didn't throw up her lunch every day. But she'd set some pretty firm limits today.

He'd have to keep in mind that he couldn't be a total jackass, even if he felt like being one. He had a passing thought concerning Sean but pushed it aside. If the guy didn't want anything to do with him he'd ignore him right back. He could do that. Hey, he didn't freakin' care. Whatever.

He felt a hard shoulder plow into him and jumped out of his thoughts to growl menacingly, "Have trouble walking straight? Watch it!"

He shot his slanted eyes at the offending individual only to find Manny Santos glaring at him. She huffed as if she couldn't be bothered to share the same airspace with him. "Excuse me? You're the one just standing here in the middle of the hallway clogging up traffic with your enormous ego."

"Well, if it isn't my favorite cheerleader. Sorry," Jay said insincerely, "Didn't realize royalty would be combing the hallways today."

He didn't give her a second glance as he moved past her and went to continue down the hallway when she laid a hand on his arm. He looked down at pink painted, manicured fingertips and sneered. "Do you mind?" He said, more to the offending hand than to Manny herself.

Manny moved so she was standing in front of him, her big brown eyes glaring at him behind a layer of eye make-up. "Actually, I do."

"What's up, Muffy? Lost your lip gloss and want to accuse me of stealing it? Sorry to break it to you but plum really isn't my color, ya know?"

"Funny," Manny said, letting her voice say it was anything but amusing. Instead she cut to the chase, "Look, Emma may not be talking to me but that doesn't mean I can't talk to _you_."

That's what this was about? A freakin' friend intervention on the part of Emma. Hadn't he already suffered through enough of those for one lifetime. Apparently not. He didn't just have to deal with a talk from Emma's once "true love" but now her ex-best friend, twice removed and once reinstated. Didn't anyone have a life anymore outside of his love life?

Well, hopefully Alex didn't… Jay smirked, thinking of how the little charade must be getting under his ex-girlfriend's skin if Manny Santos was starting to worry about her old friend.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a rough poke in the middle of his chest, the feel of a pointy finger digging into his skin. "I'm talking to you," Manny bit out through her shining lips as Jay looked at her again. "I don't think anything about this is funny," She poked her finger into his chest again, her nail darting into the skin.

Who did this stupid girl think she was? He was Jay Fuckin' Hogart and she thought that she could go around stabbing her pointy little finger into his chest. If he just waved his arm in her direction she would go flying into the lockers. Oh, but Manny didn't seem worried about that. He forgot everyone knew he didn't hit girls. But shouldn't she still be afraid of him?

And, fuck, her voice was even more bothersome than Nelson's. It was like the damn cheerocrat took pains to make sure it was squeaky and high-pitched.

Jay swatted her hand away, glaring a famous Jay Hogart stare at her. "Listen, I don't have time for this. Why don't you run along and play with your dolls?"

"No, I have to…"

Manny trailed off as he went to move past her for good, his shoulders squared. But she placed her hands on the top of his shoulders and shoved him back in front of her. "Hello, how many times to I have to say it? I'm talking to you!"

Jay blinked once, then again. Did she really just fucking do that? He moved close to her face and bit out, "You're really pissing me off, Santos. Now get out of my way."

"You're going to listen to me, Jay," Manny said with confidence. "Or I will stalk you through the halls until you do."

Jay lowered his eyelids, staring at her from beneath them. She was just a whiny little girl… How bad could her "talk" be? Fine, whatever. It beat having the yappy little brunette following him around the school. "Fine. You got five minutes before we're both late for homeroom. Talk."

"Look, I don't know what type of voo doo or whatever you put on Emma…" Manny looked a bit disgusted as she said this, like she couldn't figure out how anyone could be attracted to Jay. Jay realized he should have been insulted but he didn't have the energy to try to be. The pounding in his head was making everything difficult. "But she's going to come to her senses and dump you like the piece of trash you are."

_She stopped… Is that it?, _Jay thought in silent thanks. _There might just be a God after all… _"Thanks for the memo, I'll keep that in mind." His tone clearly said he really didn't care what Manny thought and that he'd be forgetting all about it as soon as he was in homeroom.

"But I swear to God," Manny continued, causing an internal groan from Jay as he realized she had more to say, "if you hurt her before she does break up with you I'll make you so sorry that you wouldn't even dare step back into Degrassi."

Jay laughed, the sound deep and condescending. With a sneer he said to Manny, "You really think I'd be afraid of you? Give me a break."

Manny's eyes as they stared at him didn't waiver. Looking at them he saw that they were hard underneath the sparkling eye shadow and perfectly placed eyeliner. "You should be," she said, and for some reason it didn't sound laughable to Jay like it should have.

Looking at her now he saw that Manny Santos didn't look any bit the pristine Spirit Squad member. There was no pep in her demeanor. The bubbly, air headed cheerocrat had been replaced by an intimidating hellcat that looked like she was capable of scooping out his lungs and wearing them as a vest if he didn't watch it.

"Right? I'm so scared I'm shaking in my boots," Jay finally said, stuffing down the fact that the puny cheerleader was actually intimidating on some level. "Now, are we done?"

"No," Manny said, her lips drawn in a hard line. Had a cheerleader ever not smiled for such an extended period of time? "No, we're not even close to done."

Manny then went into a speech about all the reasons why he wasn't good enough for Emma and why he should break up with her for Emma's own good. She brought up Sean's name somewhere in there and even mentioned how Jay was just going to get back together with Alex, anyway. She went on and on, her glossed lips working overtime to get across all of the words passing through it.

For the first time Jay contemplated hitting a girl. He could live with himself if he did in this particular situation. Anyway, he wasn't sure that Manny was really a girl. No, she was some horrible she-monster that kept talking and talking. She was trying to talk him to death! Jesus, how did someone talk that much without taking a breath?

By the time she finished he just barely was able to stumble into homeroom and take his seat at the back. He got a glare from the teacher but big deal. He was there and he hadn't been late, which meant no afterschool detention. He really wasn't in the mood for that.

Later that day he was looking around for Emma in between class periods. He knew she couldn't have gotten to her next class yet again before him. But he kept seeming to miss her despite the stalker like move he'd made this last time, leaving class early to "use the bathroom" then camping out in front of the class she was suppose to be getting out of next.

When the classroom had emptied and Emma was nowhere to be seen he started moving down the hallway toward where Emma's next class was located, deciding he would take a peak inside and see if she was there.

As luck would have it he instead plowed straight into his extremely aggravated ex-girlfriend. "Alex," he said, nodding his head toward her. Then he went to go past her to go find Emma. He had to stick to the plan, right?

Even if he was enjoying the fact that he could see he was working his way right under Alex's thick skin. Oh, yeah. She was fuming and it was a beautiful sight.

She grabbed his arm and he felt himself being hauled back toward her again.

"Where do you think you're goin'?" she practically growled at him.

Jay rolled his eyes at her; he couldn't help it. Sure, she was the reason behind he entire plot. He also would admit to himself that at the end of it he hoped to have her back on his arm. But that didn't mean he wasn't also pissed at her. That was the point behind pissing _her_ off. To give her a taste of her own medicine while helping her figure out just how much she wanted him back.

Yeah, making her suffer was half the fun. "To class. Have a problem?" he said casually.

"Okay, I got your point," she said back. "So, you're pissed off. Big deal. Get over it."

Jay smirked at her, enjoying himself. "I don't know what you're talking about. It looks like _you're _the one who is pissed off"

Alex's eyes at him and he could tell she wasn't enjoying herself. "Do not even try to play me, Jay."

"I wouldn't dream of it.

"What the fuck are you up to? Huh? Hangin' around with Cause Girl herself. Playin' it up. Who the hell do you think you're kiddin'? Do you think I'm stupid, Jay?"

"Whoa, Alex! Don't get your pretty, black panties into a twist. What's the matter?" His lips twitched. This was going completely according to plan. "You jealous?"

Alex sneered at him. He'd never known girls could sneer until he met Alex. Then he'd found out that some girls, like his ex-girlfriend, could sneer better than any guy. "You wish." He watched disgust filter across her face as she said, "More like nauseous. Always knew you were really a dyke, Jay. Never knew you would show your hand so soon after our split."

Oh, this was good. This was too good. He'd managed to hit Alex right where it hurt, alright. She'd just been feeding off of a whole bunch of denial. What she needed was a helping full of reality. "Just admit it, babe. You're jealous."

Alex laughed, though he could tell it was forced. "Of you and Emma? If there _is_ a you and Emma. Like I said, do you think I'm stupid?"

Okay, that was bad. Way too close to the truth. Did she really suspect something or was she just bluffing? Alex always was a throw all her punches kind of girl, even when she didn't know what she was aiming at or if she'd completely miss. She could just be taking a shot and feeling the water.

"Considering you broke up with me and now you're following me around like some freakin' stalker. Yeah, I do."

For some reason Jay was starting to get really angry. He'd wanted Alex in his face, drilling him with questions and looking seconds away from decking him. But now that she was he was starting to feel aggravated. She _had_ broken up with him.

Jay suddenly wasn't amused anymore. "Can't have it both ways, Lexi. You know how it goes. You're either in my life... Or you stay the hell out of my way."

He moved past her and this time she let him. She knew the deal and he'd only been reminding her of it. His life had always been made of blacks and whites when it came to the people in it. He didn't have half friends and he didn't hang onto ex-girlfriends. He didn't send postcards to people who moved away and he didn't check in on old friends who had lost their use to him.

He just ended things with people and moved on. Alex knew that and, until she came to him begging for another chance, she would have to live with that.

He'd spent the rest of the school day trying to find Emma but she wasn't anywhere he could see. After school she'd somehow gone to her locker and already headed out. At least he'd stopped waiting for her to show up. He knew the best way to catch her was to keep going. Maybe she'd just headed out the door.

He finally figured out she was probably still bent out of shape over the morning argument they had. Why did everyone take to ignoring and avoiding him when they were pissed at him? Sean was still playing that same fucking game, too. No wonder the two of them had been a couple. He also had a better idea why it'd taken the two morons months to get back together the first time.

He went out the door and scanned the area, but didn't see her. With a sigh he started heading toward his car when he heard noise coming from a group of people.

_Fighting noises, _Jay decided. He knew the sound of a fight well. Jay wasn't too much of a spectator when it came to fighting so he was about to get into his car when he got a funny feeling. Alex had looked pretty pissed off early…. It wasn't out of the realm of possibilities that she'd tracked down Emma better than he had and decided to show Emma just how pissed she was.

He knew Emma had held her own last time but Alex had a lot of bite in her bark. His plan wouldn't work if Emma was dead. If Alex and Emma were in another fight he needed to stop Alex from putting Emma six feet under.

Moving swiftly he started to make his way to the crowd, starting to hear voices as he got closer.

"Dude, she scratched her face! Did you see that?" Jay heard as he made it to the small crowd gathered at the outskirts of the school lot.

_Alex… or Emma?, _Jay wanted to ask.

He shoved people aside until he had a clear view of what was going on. There, in the middle of everything, was Alex being pummeled by the nature freak. Man, that blonde was all fire today. She was really giving it to Alex, her hair falling over her face so that all anyone could see was blonde and showering fists. He watched for a minute then spotted Sean in the crowd. He saw Sean start to move toward Emma but decided to cut him off.

"Nelson, yo Nelson!" Carefully he pulled Emma off of Alex, feeling the leftover heat of the fight coursing through her. She resisted a little so he said to her quietly, "Fights over, Green Peace. Take a breather… Fights over."

She turned to look at him, revealing that she hadn't come away from the fight unscathed. Her eyes with still lit up with the adrenaline of the fight but they didn't look angry with him, which was a turn for the better he supposed. Emma was taking deep, heavy breaths and Jay was surprised to find her leaning against him. He could feel the exhaustion sweeping in over her.

He watched as a few people reached out to help Alex off the ground but she pushed the hands away. Very unsteadily she moved to her feet, tilting a bit to one side as she did. Jay felt some worry toward her… She had been taking a pounding from the blonde, maybe she'd had the wind knocked out of her?

And who would be patching her up? He normally would have been the one putting on the band-aids, adding smartass commentary as he did. Who did she have to do that now? He felt the urge to let Emma drop to the ground and go over to Alex.

But then he saw her eyes meet his across the small amount of space. He watched her eyes melt from steel to some unreadable, stormier emotion. He wasn't too familiar with that look on her face, which was screwing with his mind. Since when did Alex go around having emotions he wasn't aware of her having?

Before he could analyze it she rolled her shoulders and the steel wall seemed to be erected against him again. She didn't even blink as she moved past him, though he felt Emma tense up in response. Alex just kept heading back toward the school, though he had no freakin' clue why. He looked over his shoulder and watched her fade off and into the entrance of the school

"Let's get out of here," he finally said to Emma as the crowd began to thin. He didn't want to push their luck. They were lucky Raditch hadn't come out and busted them as it was.

Emma just nodded, allowing Jay to steer her in the direction of his car. He opened the driver's side and motioned for her to sit down. Emma shot him a questioning glance but went ahead and sat down in the driver's seat, letting her legs dangle out onto the ground below.

Jay popped the trunk then went to the back and grabbed the clean rag he kept around, just in case. Hey, he did have a known tendency to get into a fight or two. It always paid to be prepared.

He came around the car to find Emma gingerly touching the bruise forming on her lower lip. He stopped and just stared. Bruises on a girl's face always made Jay queasy. He wouldn't hesitate to admit it to anyone. It wasn't so bad knowing another girl had put the fist to Emma's face. If a guy had, though, he would already be in pieces. Jay would have seen to it personally.

"You have a hell of a bruise there, Kid," Jay finally said, moving to squat in front of her.

"Alex has a much worse one," Emma said in a voice that was partially muffled by the busted lip.

Jay let out a small chuckle, nodding. Yeah, Alex had walked away more worse for wear than Emma… He just hoped she wasn't too messed up.

"Do you have a bottle of water?" Jay asked, holding up the rag at Emma's confused expression.

Emma opened her backpack and moved her hand around before pulling out a bottle of water. "Here."

Jay took the bottle of water and opened it up, pouring some on the rag. "This'll have to do…" he said as he touched the rag to Emma's lip to wipe away some of the blood.

Emma winced and instinctively pulled back before visibly forcing herself to relax.

_This is my fault_, he thought as he washed away the traces of blood on Emma's face. He was responsible for getting a girl hit. Yeah, it was from another girl. But that girl was his ex-girlfriend and she'd gone after Emma because, despite what Alex had told him, she believed Emma was a threat.

Sure, Emma could be annoying but for the first time he realized he was fucking up her life. Just like Sean's. Jay was messing up two different people's lives. Two people who'd never done much to him, Sean more so than Emma. Maybe, at one time, Emma had gotten him banned from the Dot. But it was only a few months later that the owner forgot about it all and let his crew back in. So, he figured no harm no real foul right?

Jesus, where were these thoughts coming from? Who cared if he was messing up Miss Save the World's life. It wasn't his life and it wasn't the life of anyone he cared about. The only people he needed to worry about were Sean and himself.

Emma was expendable. A frickin' casualty in a dirty game between him and Alex. That was just how it was. He wasn't going to start feeling bad about it.

His own thoughts were starting to bug the shit out of him.

He finished cleaning Emma up then said to her, "Look, you wanna grab somethin' to eat? My treat."

Emma hesitated, considering him. "I'm not hungry."

"You never are," Jay said flippantly. Jay stopped to consider his own words then went through all the food he'd seen her eat recently. Did she even really eat anything at all? "So, take your typical appetite with me to the Dot."

Emma looked him over, as if seeing him clearly for the first time. "So, this is about playing it up some more?"

"Of course. We show up at the Dot. Order some food. I play the doting and concerned boyfriend. You play the smitten nympho girlfriend." Jay trailed one finger down the side of Emma's arm as he said the last few words.

Emma smacked his arm away. "Don't touch me, Jay. Don't _ever_ touch me."

"They won't believe it unless I touch you, babe."

"Don't touch me like that. Not in private. Not like you have any real right to. I already told you… I'm a person and I'll be treated like one."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Scoot over, Miss Person. We're going to the Dot and getting you a burger and some fries, heavy on the fat and calories." He took a look at her swelling bruises. "We'll grab you some ice, too."

"I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat burgers." Emma pulled her legs into the car then moved over, but she kept her eyes on Jay nearly the entire time. " Besides, why do you care what I eat?"

Jay shrugged, getting into the car and closing the door behind him. Hell if he knew why he cared. Maybe he figured everyone should appreciate burgers and fries the way he did. Or maybe he just didn't want his "girlfriend" passing out in front of everyone.

"Don't want you passing out in front of everyone."

Emma opened her mouth then closed it again as Jay pulled away from the school and headed toward the Dot.

_So, there are ways to shut her up without barking at her_, Jay thought with satisfaction. _I'm gonna have to learn all of them._


End file.
